This topic comes up often. At least in my mind, in my spirit.
Mostly because I feel like the home I once had doesn't exist anymore. It's in my memory bank and I recall those moments of when I spent time there. I've since constructed a new one. One I love, one that makes me feel comfortable and warm and welcome.
And then the idea of creating home comes up. That it's not something that's instant - it's something you create and build over the years. You search, you collect, you join and de-clutter and add-on and partner and it becomes home.
Maybe, I realized, it's not about the building. Maybe it's about where your heart wants to be, where and to whom it sends you traveling towards.
I had that moment a few weeks ago and wondered if I would ever find that place I again. Truth be told, I have. But it wasn't where I expected. It's in this little apartment in an area that is becoming newly interesting amongst the gentrifiers in the city. The building is worn. I even saw a mouse when I moved in (he's since vacated unwillingly). But the truth of the matter is, I had to create that little piece of peace.
I've learned along the way, it wasn't about where you are, but who you're with.....and sometimes, who you're with might only be yourself.
Yup - it wasn't about the building or the city or any of that - it was about the person or the persons surrounding you. Those who you count on. Maybe it's just one person. It's the person you call when you're in trouble, or in need. Or if you can't call them, it's the person you wish for. If you've lost that person, others will be sent. It took me decades to meet mine. But each and every one of us needs a person who will hold our hand during the times things are rough. Someone who can tell us who we are when we lose our way and check us and tell us when we're bullshitting.
They aren't always who you think they're supposed to be. It could be someone you meet through friends, it could be someone you've known for years, it could be the person you married. In fact, personally, while the person may not be your soul mate (do those exist?), I do hope you find home with the person you marry and are committed.
I'm being pre-emptive here because so many of us (including me) don't have spouses, but there's still a yearning to have a home and a community.
So what happens when you find a home and for any multitude of reasons you can't dwell there? I am making peace with what happens if I can't get there, if the place I've longed for isn't in the cards. In the meantime, I've made a fine little space for myself. A space I love to hide in... and I've learned others love to hide in - that's the making of a home.
A place where you can retreat and renew. A place where you get a chance to create and figure your life out. Somewhere peaceful and full of love and the things that make you happy. We all have to have a personal beacon of sorts. Sometimes the beacon is a person (it is for me) and other times, it's a space (that too). Sometimes it's both.
I rather find the making of a home to be a sacred thing. No two will be the same. Nor should they. I just know I know of two places in the world where I'm safe and I can rest easy - even if it's only for a short while.
What makes something feel like home to you?
For me, it's the way it smells, the way it looks and how I'm able to live in it. It's the availability to things I love, when I can cook. It's a place that inspires me to do great things and relax. Where I can let my guard down. It also happens to have incense, candles, wine... and lots of tasty food with great sheets and good water pressure... but you know - creature comforts :)