Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. ~ sTEVEN PRESSFIELD
If you've been reading this blog for a while, perhaps you've found me through my original blog "From Rae With Love." FRWL wasn't my first blog, but it's the first one I paid attention to and the idea stuck. It's the first one I shared with others openly. It's the first one where I consistently wrote and received feedback. The posts were heartfelt. I left parts of myself on the page so to speak. I guess I still do. It's just now, I'm not writing all about love all the time - although not-so-secretly, I think it's always about love.
I decided some time ago after looking at the posts and re-reading much the material, that I had the makings of a book. I mean, one happens to draft 100k words over the course of a few years and there has to be something there right? Right. Even if it's only a chapter or two that are the makings of a book, even if you're just pulling ideas, it can be the beginning of something.
Well, I have to admit, there's definitely something there.
The thing about writing a book, or taking on any major endeavor for that matter, is it always begins to shine light in your dark places. It brings out both the worst and the best of you. I'm not sure if any other writers have experienced this, but in the process of writing you're hyper-sensitive to everything. You see everything, you feel things in a different way, you process things differently. Maybe that's not a bad thing. There's a lot of moxie and fortitude to get through things. To sift through not just old posts, but to sift through old journals and notes and re-live the moments that were so carefully tucked away.
Major endeavors tend to bring up all sorts of fears, insecurities and other pesky business. There's a lot of doubt along the road of something great.
The artist committing himself to his calling has volunteered for hell, whether he knows it or not. He will be dining for the duration on a diet of isolation, rejection, self-doubt, despair, ridicule, contempt, and humiliation.
~ STEVEN PRESSFIELD
There are those moments when you're thinking what the hell was I thinking? Why would I even want to sign up to do anything like this? WHY do I even want to do anything like this?
For fact, this happens throughout the process - until you reach a point where you can see the clear road and that, there might - just might be a cold space in the hell you've chosen and it's possible there's a glass of cold water there. That indeed you might just make it - at least make it to the finish line.
There was a young woman, Hyvon Ngetich, who ran a marathon. Her legs and body began to shut down close to the finish line and she collapsed. She began to crawl. She wouldn't stop and she didn't let the medical personnel help her either. It was her race to finish. She blessed me. You can watch the clip of this warrior here but I warn you to get the tissues out.
It was a reminder for me that the road might be long, you may not have any idea what's around the bend or up ahead, but it's always your race to finish - even if you have to crawl across the finish line.