Checking in. I've been in the throes of intentionally working on my first book. Not the sort of "I'm writing a book" as you think about it and don't write, but the actual sitting down and selecting, writing, editing, crying and cursing writing a book. If you have a writer in your life, please hug them tight, love them tremendously and kiss them. The work sometimes makes you insecure. We see everything, we feel everything. It's terrible work. Yes this is in all caps. You will have to deal. The work is terrible. i know i said that already. you still have to deal. Which is why most of us never publish. It's rewarding. But it is daunting, terrible and I promise those of us truly working at it only do it because we are compelled in our spirit to torture ourselves in hopes the stories, poems, prose, thoughts we create are consumed for the greater good.
Again, terrible work.
I can't give anything away. I will tell you I've fallen in love with the book after fighting with it for months. That means something for me. It's enough to make me keep at it until you have the work in your hands.
The photo above is something random I chose from my hard drive. It seems a telling story for many reasons. I'll leave it up for your interpretation.
Among creatives we hoard things. We keep slips of paper, notes, anecdotes, quotes, photos, old letters - ephemera. I just needed a reason to use ephemera. we keep it because it helps us later. I have tons of books spread about. Old notes, new notes. we need it. we need things to review and look at
I was sifting through the thousands of notes I have and came across the text from a letter that famed playwright Noel Coward wrote to Marlene Dietrich on her horrible romance with Yul Brenner. I'm not sure how I found it. I may have been researching old love letters. Good writing and sage advice lives with you long after you read it. this has stayed with me since i read it and it hit me again when i read it tonight. i wanted to share it with you.. Read along and get your life. This is a good word on love.
Noel Coward, to Marlene Dietrich, on her terrible romance with Yul Brynner:
Your letter filled me with such a lot of emotions, the predominant one being rage that you should allow yourself to be so humiliated and made so unhappy by a situation that really isn't worthy of you. I loathe to think of you apologizing and begging forgiveness and humbling yourself. I don't care if you did behave badly for a brief moment, considering all the devotion and loving you have given out during the last five years, you had a perfect right to. The only mistake was not to have behaved a great deal worse a long time ago. The aeroplane journey sounds a nightmare to me.
It is difficult for me to wag my finger at you from so very far away particularly as my heart aches for you but really darling you must pack up this nonsensical situation once and for all. It is really beneath your dignity, not your dignity as a famous artist and a glamourous star, but your dignity as a human, only too human, being. Curly is attractive, beguiling, tender and fascinating, but he is not the only man in the world who merits those delightful adjectives...Do please try to work out for yourself a little personal philosophy and DO NOT, repeat DO NOT be so bloody vulnerable. To hell with God damned "L'Amour." It always causes far more trouble than it is worth. Don't run after it. Don't court it. Keep it waiting off stage until you're good and ready for it and even then treat it with the suspicious disdain that it deserves...I am sick to death of you waiting about in empty houses and apartments with your ears strained for the telephone to ring. Snap out of it, girl! A very brilliant writer once said (could it have been me?) "Life is for the living." Well that is all it is for, and living DOES NOT consist of staring in at other people's windows and waiting for crumbs to be thrown to you. You've carried on this hole in corner, overcharged, romantic, unrealistic nonsense long enough.
Stop it Stop it Stop it. Other people need you...Stop wasting your time on someone who only really says tender things to you when he's drunk...
Unpack your sense of humor, and get on with living and ENJOY IT.
Incidentally, there is one fairly strong-minded type who will never let you down and who loves you very much indeed. Just try to guess who it is. XXXX. Those are not romantic kisses. They are un-romantic. Loving "Goose-Es."
Your devoted "Fernando de Lamas"