In honor of my 40th Earth Anniversary, I wrote a post on the 10 Loveliest Moments of my life. Here is the next to complete the 40. 30 Things + Moments + Memories + Achievements + Milestones I'd Like to Reach and Experience ....over the next decade. As I said in the last post, I'm not up for lessons this year. I don't even know if I want to offer any advice. This more so serves as a record of my life. So many situations and circumstances where I used to believe one way and discovered I was absolutely incorrect. It makes me want to sit my five dollar ass down somewhere and listen, soak in more knowledge, make every effort to do great things and live my life to the fullest.
Through my thirties I was stressed out about relationships and men who weren't worth my time when I should've been focused on minding my business and well, minding my business. I was just searching for something that you don't find when you look for it. You find it when you least expect it. Even then, it may not quite turn out the way you'd like. Expectations have changed and become different. I'd like to think those mistakes and errors in judgment have resulted in me being able to see what's coming down the road. I can understand when someone is bullshitting. I understand when someone is sincere. It's also why I tend not to waste time these days with the games people play. Life has a way of changing you that way. For me, it's been for the better. It's allowed me to sure myself up in many ways and get to the heart of what really matters.
What matters for me? Love, God, making a difference, surviving and being able to reach my full potential. I'd also like to toss in great food, deep sweet naps, mind blowing sex, cheap wine and laughing.
"Be anxious for nothing" has become the motto. The level of patience I've learned to exhibit is astounding. I mentioned it the other day some things (moments, situations) I wait for and other things I take the initiative and go for. For the last couple of years or so, heading towards 40 has plunged me into this nesting phase. Along with a milestone year, I've dealt with parents who are sick and dealing with my own personal goals, issues, demons and dreams. Really - it's been both lovely and to be honest - completely exhausting. There's nothing like someone you love dealing with their own mortality to put your own list of dreams and things you want to do in perspective - and to the forefront. While everyone says birthdays aren't a big deal, I find the idea of getting another year to see and do things in the world, another year to commune with others and enjoy God's creations - I find that to be a blessing.
Here are my (nearly) 30 things I'm looking forward to in the next decade.....
- I'm looking forward to holding my first book in my hands (sooner rather than later). I'm on the short end of this process these days.
- Holding several more of my own books in my hands.
- Taking a photography class and workshop.
- Submit and present a TED Talk. I have no idea what it'll be about or the subject, but I want to do it. My dear friend @Socamom has offered to "hold the bucket" for me to temper my stage fright. Really - I read a famous star used to throw up before every performance. I'm not above it but she's promised to bedazzle a bucket for me and make sure I'm at least together before I get shoved out on stage.
- Buy | build | remodel a home. All of the above? I need a permanent place to call home. A permanent address.
- Create a long term photoessay project, art project. I'm still working on what it may be. I have some ideas. A couple in particular.
- Publish beautiful fiction.
- Two words: koi pond. [see #6]
- Purchase an original piece of artwork or a limited edition print by a favorite artist. (Romare Bearden, Purvis Young, Carrie Mae Weems, Basquiat).
- Decide on whether or not I'm going to nursing school.
- Travel across the country (with an Airstream in tow).
- Buy an airstream trailer (that might help).
- Stop doing things that aren't of the highest order for my life.
- Grow my hair out to an epic length.
- Plant a garden.
- Keep a journal over the next decade. Update : I'm a few days in and I'm not totally failing. I'm not writing in it daily, but whatever. Life has been calling.
- Take several epic vacations (preferably with a partner, one or two alone as well.)
- Buy a Leica.
- Early retirement. My future husband and Airstream trailer will require time and attention.
- Start my business. See #1 and add photos to it.
- through 30 are reserved for additional items I don't even know I want to do yet, the secret wishes and prayers, the things I can only pray about, the room for evolution to do new things.
I'm sure I'm forgetting an entire series of things I want to do. It happens. There's another list of the private things I pray for, sincerely want and want to do. The things that only God and the people closest to me know I want. It's the things that I don't even know how to admit I want that are going to be the crux of this next 10 years.
It's hilarious that this list was difficult. This list will surely update as things change. As I've gotten older, these lists are great but no one says I have to hold to it if there's something that needs to change. The good thing about living and being free is you're free to change your mind, make an about face and do whatever it is your heart desires.
I will meet you on the road.....
Yours in Negritude,