My grandmother used to remind me about the sunrise and the sunset. The kitchen window in Detroit was a special place. It caught the sun every morning. We'd stand there and talk about God as the Master Painter and how (S)He created all of the beauty we can see. It's something I always think about. It's likely why I chase the sun and the stars all the time.
It's no small coincidence that from my the majority of the windows in my apartment, the sun rises. I've been thankful for it. A reminder of home, love and what's important. As a great lesson, I was glad I took the time to get my camera this morning and get the photo. By the time I'd left the house, the colors were gone and the sky had turned gray. If that isn't a lesson....
These last couple of weeks have been difficult for me, I can't even lie or hide it. No point. I've been writing. I've been taking photos. I've had numerous calls. I've had friends stop by. I've sat alone quite a bit and have begun to unravel all of those heavy things I hadn't been able to process over the months. Things that got heavy all of a sudden. Things you ignore and then it's in your face and it can't be ignored. I can't say it's been easy. I do know by allowing it to happen as it needs to happen, I'll avoid a virtual shut down later. I cannot afford to ignore things at this time in my life. Not things that will likely come back to haunt me if I don't deal with them or manage them. Any important decisions that need to be made now need to be made with my future self in mind. Maybe it's not about what's comfortable or amazing in this moment (although that's critical also) but what will set my life on track, what will bless me exponentially.
That's the difference at 40.
The willingness to be uncomfortable for the sake of my future welfare, happiness and prosperity. Sometimes those moments seem like they'll last forever. Sometimes, we need to stand strong for a while just to get what we need for the sake of saving time, heartache and sanity. These days I stand more patient to make sure I know the answers and decisions I've made are the best ones. Making the decision to be still is a blessing. It's always been a blessing. It's always placed me in the right place at the right time and in front of and with the right people.
The reality is my consistent thought comes down to home. How my life is being lived, how at home I feel within myself and with the people I love. I think about the places I've been where I've felt at home, the homes I've created and what it means for a person (or persons) to be your home. There's also the thought of how to process all of it as life creates changes and there's a need to move things around, shift or move altogether. It's never easy. In the move there's always a loss of something. Something breaks, something valuable may be misplaced - but hopefully the gain is immeasurable.
I sometimes wish I could see how all of this pans out. That those moments I'm stretched out matter. Deep down I know they do (I think). I know there's a purpose. Or at least I remind myself of this and then channel it into the people and endeavors needing the love and attention.
Despite my current moment of general blahs (it is just a moment), the reality is I'm incredibly blessed. I'm so thankful to have the opportunities that have come up this year and the people who are in m y life..... all of this has been a blessing and a wonderful support through it all.
Here's to all of the sunrises to come, the new days ahead, the makings of home and all of the makings of a good life. I bless you.
Love,
Rae