Gentle Reminders

My grandmother used to remind me about the sunrise and the sunset.  The kitchen window in Detroit was a special place.  It caught the sun every morning.   We'd stand there and talk about God as the Master Painter and how (S)He created all of the beauty we can see. It's something I always think about.  It's likely why I chase the sun and the stars all the time.

It's no small coincidence that from my the majority of the windows in my apartment, the sun rises.  I've been thankful for it.  A reminder of home, love and what's important.  As a great lesson, I was glad I took the time to get my camera this morning and get the photo.  By the time I'd left the house, the colors were gone and the sky had turned gray.  If that isn't a lesson....

These last couple of weeks have been difficult for me, I can't even lie or hide it. No point.  I've been writing.  I've been taking photos. I've had numerous calls.  I've had friends stop by.  I've sat alone quite a bit and have begun to unravel all of those heavy things I hadn't been able to process over the months.  Things that got heavy all of a sudden.  Things you ignore and then it's in your face and it can't be ignored.  I can't say it's been easy. I do know by allowing it to happen as it needs to happen, I'll avoid a virtual shut down later. I cannot afford to ignore things at this time in my life.  Not things that will likely come back to haunt me if I don't deal with them or manage them. Any important decisions that need to be made now need to be made with my future self in mind.  Maybe it's not about what's comfortable or amazing in this moment (although that's critical also) but what will set my life on track, what will bless me exponentially.

That's the difference at 40. 

The willingness to be uncomfortable for the sake of my future welfare, happiness and prosperity.  Sometimes those moments seem like they'll last forever.  Sometimes, we need to stand strong for a while just to get what we need for the sake of saving time, heartache and sanity.  These days I stand more patient to make sure I know the answers and decisions I've made are the best ones. Making the decision to be still is a blessing. It's always been a blessing.  It's always placed me in the right place at the right time and in front of and with the right people. 

The reality is my consistent thought comes down to home.  How my life is being lived, how at home I feel within myself and with the people I love.   I think about the places I've been where I've felt at home, the homes I've created and what it means for a person (or persons) to be your home.  There's also the thought of how to process all of it as life creates changes and there's a need to move things around, shift or move altogether.  It's never easy.  In the move there's always a loss of something.  Something breaks, something valuable may be misplaced - but hopefully the gain is immeasurable.  

I sometimes wish I could see how all of this pans out.  That those moments I'm stretched out matter.  Deep down I know they do (I think).  I know there's a purpose.  Or at least I remind myself of this and then channel it into the people and endeavors needing the love and attention. 

Despite my current moment of general blahs (it is just a moment), the reality is I'm incredibly blessed.  I'm so thankful to have the opportunities that have come up this year and the people who are in m y life..... all of this has been a blessing and a wonderful support through it all. 

Here's to all of the sunrises to come, the new days ahead, the makings of home and all of the makings of a good life.  I bless you.

Love, 

Rae

Lessons on Being Selfish

Over the weekend, I'm riding with my Love and we're talking about various situations in life. Ongoing things and things that have happened.  How we're planning on handling all of the things pending at this time. 

He, per his usual said something that made a lot of sense. Gave me some good advice on how to handle things.  It basically resulted in me being more concerned about myself and less concerned with those outside of a few people.  It also comes down to being more selfish.  I had to sit and think about it last night. 

As we were talking, I mentioned that women are socialized differently.  We're in the club of service and giving and sacrifice.  We've seen our mothers and aunts do it.  We herald all the women and elevate those who dedicate their lives, time and resources fully to others.  If that's what you're called to do, there's no shame in it.   Own it. 

However, while it may be something you're called to do, there's a point when you have enough and it's time to turn the work, the charity, the understanding, the giving and the sacrifice back into ourselves.  It looks like someone asking for help and you politely refusing (and not feeling badly about it).  It looks like making hard decisions in favor of yourself and well-being (and not feeling guilty about it).  It's about making changes, moves and decisions that appear selfish to others - mostly because they cannot benefit directly or because they believe whatever that thing is you provide to their lives - there will be less of it.  

But being selfish is more about love here.  Self love.  The love paving a path allowing you to follow your dreams and live your life as unencumbered as possible.  It's the motion to do everything you can so you're the one who finally reaches her goal.  

Note: Thinking of and making moves to better your life, improve your circumstances and create the moments that make you happy are NOT selfish.  We've often been conditioned to believe we're wrong when we aren't handing over our last dollar or at the beck and call of loved ones and family.  While there may be some guilt involved (could be a lot before you get over it), it doesn't make thinking of yourself, doing for yourself wrong.  No one benefits if you're not performing at your best.  I'd like to add, along the path of growth, you'll quickly learn to discern who needs help, when and why.  Your nos will be nos and your yeses will be solid yeses. 

It's these sort of Sundays and moments that change courses for the better.  Those come to Jesus meetings our loved ones give us.  Here's to those we love who encourage us to be our best selves, who don't buck at the idea of us having the best life.  

While I cannot speak for God directly, there's something to be said for the art of self-preservation.  I mean, I can't exactly do everything I'm called to do if I'm stretched out all the time or down-trodden because I'm not looking after myself.

Goal for the remainder of the week (life): Be more selfish.  

"Know First Who You Are..."

“Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.” 
― Epictetus

Over the last few months, I've had less time to do the things I want to do - but the good thing about this situation  is I've also learned quite a bit about myself.  

It's forced me to take the time I do have and get busy living.  It seems to be the glaring message over the last couple of years - which boils down to getting my shit done.  All of it.  All of the things I want to get done and are important and remaining.  Whatever I can get to - I want to get it done and enjoy my life.  I've said this before, but it's also extremely important to spend my time with people I adore and love.  I try my best to make those moments count for everything they mean to me.  

Which brings me to the reason for this post - anger and hilarity.  I've been watching a situation unfold over the last few months and while I've been angry it's turned into pure comedy at this point.   

It's a reminder to use anger as a driving force. Over the last year, I've also discovered a higher level of anger - or at least I've been able to admit when I'm hurt or angry.  Somewhere along the way, I've started to channel the anger - into action, into creativity, into productivity and using it to fuel the fire driving me to do those things that matter the most. 

Every time someone or something pisses me off these days, I try to be productive.  Lately it's meant taking my house apart and painting.  Sometimes it means long drives and photos.  Some of my best work has been created under what I'd think was duress but was more like a way to relieve the pressure.  Constructive movement.  I'm thankful for it.   Honestly, this is a new phenomenon.  It used to be that I'd be so angry I couldn't make moves.  With a turn of a decade, things look different.  I can be angry and still be focused and productive.  It was a matter of gaining control over my emotions.  

Note: never allow a situation or a person to make you so angry you become destructive.  

My father and I speak regularly about life and we were talking about the usefulness of anger. He told me every time someone pissed him off, he went out and made a move that benefited his life - bought a car, bought a house, finished a degree, reached a new level.  I find myself doing the same these days.   I've learned and read there are many stories like this... "I started my business when ____ made me angry."  "I began this [insert creative endeavor] when _____ happened. "   

Note II : In the past, I may have been angry at myself and not anyone else.  Angry for allowing someone to get over on me, or feeling as if I couldn't change a situation.  I forgave myself, I consistently forgive myself and I've moved on to other things.  The anger isn't always directed outwards - it can be directed inwards and that's the worst thing.  Push that shit out.  Channel it and go do good things - for yourself.  

Today, be encouraged to channel your frustration and anger into something productive for yourself, something that will benefit your life.  Fuel your productivity and creativity with the frustration, anger or disappointment.   Make good moves.  Make good decisions.  That's the best way to get even. 

"Get mad, then get over it. ” 
― Colin Powell

The Renewal of Spirit

What if it's really true that we get what we believe we deserve? 

It's funny how the last 12 months have taught me things about myself.  I'm self-aware - maybe even a little too self-aware.  Sometimes, when all of the information has come rolling in at me, I've had to shelve it.  I've had to put it on the back burner because I didn't have the time or wherewithal (I love that word) to deal, to take it all apart and still manage to function in my life.  

In my last post I wrote about how during mornings, there's no room or time to lie to myself.  Any truth I've been holding back or harboring seems to come to the forefront at pre-dawn hours.  

This morning's revelation: I've been depriving myself.

Not in the sense of actual starvation of food, but starvation from the things, moments and situations that would most benefit my life.  Fear of movement, fear of closing doors on situations, being able to say no, not settling for less, seeking out more, protecting myself and taking good care of myself.  It's so glaringly apparent now because I AM taking care of myself.  I am ready to receive all the things God has planned for me.  I've even prayed that if something isn't for me - Lord, help me to let it go.  I'm there.  

I firmly believe God blesses those who make moves.  Moves require courage. Make them.   My personal believe?  God blesses those who hustle and make moves.  You can start the project, the process and then you start to see the Divine enter and assist.  This is where you have to work.  Sweat equity.  God blesses the sweat y'all - and the tears.  

I've read many times over that we get what we negotiate, we get what we believe we deserve.  I've found in the last year or two, there's merit to this thought.   Am I perfect?  By no means.  Do I fuck up?  Regularly.  However, those things don't negate my overall value.  This has been the hardest thing to grasp during my 30s. I find it funny though because I love imperfect people and things.  I love people who aren't meeting beauty standards. I love seeing people break beauty standards.  

Who and what I find beautiful has often been odd to many.  Maybe it's the way my vision is set up.  I'd always asked God for Him to help me see and hear as He sees and hears.  I'm hoping that's what's led me to want to capture so many moments.  It's just when you have to apply those beliefs to yourself and fix and repair the things that have happened over the years it's easier said than done.  It's easier to hold on to the things you've done wrong (or at least it seems it is) than it is to forgive yourself and thrive.  For many of us, I even find succeeding and doing well - we're hiding it.  We're embarrassed to be this happy, doing this well, be this in love.  We're scared to thrive and succeed because that tells us a lot about ourselves too.  

With my faith in God, I've also realized dimming my light feels wrong.  I don't need to flaunt.  I just need to be myself. My full self. 

It tells us how we're capable.  Success puts us to task and keeps us on our toes. We're afraid that we may not be able to repeat our success.  Or we're worried we won't be able to maintain the pace, that we actually now have to do things and try harder.  

I get it.  That's been me over the last few years.  Sometimes, you're in a place and you can't quite see your way out of it.  Seeing your way out of it, you realize you've still got PTSD from the situation.  You realize you've been depriving your own spirit of all the good God has to offer.  I decided this morning, I would do my best to give myself the best and do the best by myself from here on out.  I owe that to God, my family and myself.  

I realized this morning, I'm in recovery from a deprivation of spirit and I intend to recover post haste.  There's a rebuilding happening. There's an expansion. There's no time to waste.  Life is to be lived richly.  Make good decisions.  Recover from the bad decisions. Make moves to bless your life.  Choose good people to surround you.  Love yourself fully and wholly and love your life - no matter what state it's in, it's a blessing.

I pray you'll find your sweet spot and give yourself all you deserve.  I pray you can forgive yourself and receive all God has to offer in this life. 

 With love and negritude this morning, 

Rae

Bending Over Backwards

It's August and with that, we're well over half of our year.  I'm not sure about you, but I don't know where the time has gone.  Truly.  I turned 40, started a new job, have been working on the book and here we are - at August. 

I happen to love August.  A couple of my favorite people on the planet made their earthly debuts this month so it holds a special place in my heart for those reasons.  Lately though, I've been feeling like things were shifting and changing.  In a good way - nonetheless still shifting and changing.  I'm sorting through photos and high-fiving some of them (like this one) and upset with others but that's the nature of things.  100 photos and more than likely I only *love* five.

Let me get to the point.....

I'm tired.  I had submitted this to an art show and they rejected it (their loss), but titled it "Bending Over Backwards" and well - it's relevant.  

I've reached a pinnacle, a nirvana of sorts where I'm not about to add all of this effort for things I don't want to fucking do.  If I want to do it great.  If I don't want to do it, I'm not doing it unless 1) God says I need to do it 2) It's a life or death matter 3) I realize it's a necessary evil for reaching a desired goal. 

I've also given up attempting to please people as a general rule.  Why? Well, most people are never happy.  It's best to find people who think you're amazing (and not in a yes-person sort of way but in a hey you're awesome and I love you but I'll still tell you when you're fucking up sort of way).  

That pretty much sums it up.  This is what happened when I  reached a certain point in my life. I can't even blame it on an age.  I've had enough of the bullshit and the whole bending over backwards business gets old.  Very old.  You end up tired and worn with nothing to show for it.  

These days, I'm all about the return on investment (even if it's intrinsic value) and sometimes having something to show for all of the work, the effort, the tears, the time and the effort I've been putting into place.  I can't and won't discourage you from doing from others - in fact I highly recommend it.  I just say there comes a point when you need to work things out in favor of your own life.  Or at least that's the narrative I've advised myself lately.  

The people, moments and things that matter most to me are what I'm focusing on these days. I can say with age, some sort of honing device kicks in because I've realized there might be less time than before, there might be less time with the people and the moments I want to hold close.  That's enough of an alarm for me.  

I happened to talk with my godmother today and as always she imparted some real wisdom. Hers is the kind of wisdom that has me taking notes and changing the current state of affairs. She always brings things into perspective and I'm thankful for it.  

Special note: this is my year to get my shit together. 

Remember, it's your life to live and create.  Your moments to spend as you choose.  Choose wisely.

What's important to you?  Who matters the most to you?  What are the most important moments for you?  Are you looking forward to something?  Looking forward to a moment? How's your year been? Planning for 2016?