Nearly 30 Things

In honor of my 40th Earth Anniversary, I wrote a post on the 10 Loveliest Moments of my life. Here is the next to complete the 40.  30 Things + Moments + Memories + Achievements + Milestones I'd Like to Reach and Experience ....over the next decade.  As I said in the last post, I'm not up for lessons this year.  I don't even know if I want to offer any advice.  This more so serves as a record of my life.  So many situations and circumstances where I used to believe one way and discovered I was absolutely incorrect.  It makes me want to sit my five dollar ass down somewhere and listen, soak in more knowledge, make every effort to do great things and live my life to the fullest.  

Through my thirties I was stressed out about relationships and men who weren't worth my time when I should've been focused on minding my business and well, minding my business. I was just searching for something that you don't find when you look for it.  You find it when you least expect it.  Even then, it may not quite turn out the way you'd like.  Expectations have changed and become different.   I'd like to think those mistakes and errors in judgment have resulted in me being able to see what's coming down the road.  I can understand when someone is bullshitting.  I understand when someone is sincere.  It's also why I tend not to waste time these days with the games people play.  Life has a way of changing you that way. For me, it's been for the better.  It's allowed me to sure myself up in many ways and get to the heart of what really matters. 

What matters for me?  Love, God, making a difference, surviving and being able to reach my full potential.  I'd also like to toss in great food, deep sweet naps, mind blowing sex, cheap wine and laughing. 

"Be anxious for nothing" has become the motto.  The level of patience I've learned to exhibit is astounding.  I mentioned it the other day some things (moments, situations) I wait for and other things I take the initiative and go for.  For the last couple of years or so, heading towards 40 has plunged me into this nesting phase.  Along with a milestone year, I've dealt with parents who are sick and dealing with my own personal goals, issues, demons and dreams. Really - it's been both lovely and to be honest - completely exhausting.  There's nothing like someone you love dealing with their own mortality to put your own list of dreams and things you want to do in perspective - and to the forefront.   While everyone says birthdays aren't a big deal, I find the idea of getting another year to see and do things in the world, another year to commune with others and enjoy God's creations - I find that to be a blessing.

Here are my (nearly) 30 things I'm looking forward to in the next decade.....

1. I'm looking forward to holding my first book in my hands (sooner rather than later). I'm on the short end of this process these days.  
2. Holding several more of my own books in my hands. 
3. Taking a photography class and workshop.  
4. Submit and present a TED Talk.  I have no idea what it'll be about or the subject, but I want to do it.  My dear friend @Socamom has offered to "hold the bucket" for me to temper my stage fright.  Really - I read a famous star used to throw up before every performance.  I'm not above it but she's promised to bedazzle a bucket for me and make sure I'm at least together before I get shoved out on stage. 
5. Buy | build | remodel a home. All of the above? I need a permanent place to call home. A permanent address.
6. Create a long term photoessay project, art project.  I'm still working on what it may be.  I have some ideas. A couple in particular.  
7. Publish beautiful fiction.
8. Two words: koi pond.  [see #6]
9. Purchase an original piece of artwork or a limited edition print by a favorite artist.  (Romare Bearden, Purvis Young, Carrie Mae Weems, Basquiat).
10. Decide on whether or not I'm going to nursing school. 
11. Travel across the country (with an Airstream in tow).
12. Travel.
13. Buy an airstream trailer (that might help).
14. Stop doing things that aren't of the highest order for my life. 
15. Grow my hair out to an epic length. 
16. Plant a garden. 
17. Keep a journal over the next decade. Update : I'm a few days in and I'm not totally failing. I'm not writing in it daily, but whatever. Life has been calling.
18. Take several epic vacations (preferably with a partner, one or two alone as well.)
19. Buy a Leica.
20. Early retirement.  My future husband and Airstream trailer will require time and attention.
21. Start my business.  See #1 and add photos to it. 
22. through 30 are reserved for additional items I don't even know I want to do yet, the secret wishes and prayers, the things I can only pray about, the room for evolution to do new things.

I'm sure I'm forgetting an entire series of things I want to do.  It happens.  There's another list of the private things I pray for, sincerely want and want to do.  The things that only God and the people closest to me know I want.  It's the things that I don't even know how to admit I want that are going to be the crux of this next 10 years. 

It's hilarious that this list was difficult.  This list will surely update as things change.  As I've gotten older, these lists are great but no one says I have to hold to it if there's something that needs to change.  The good thing about living and being free is you're free to change your mind, make an about face and do whatever it is your heart desires.  

I will meet you on the road.....

Yours in Negritude,

Rae xoxox

My 10 Loveliest Memories + Moments

On yesterday, I celebrated 40 good years on this here beautiful globe.  I tend to celebrate the entire month.  This time around, it's been different.  It was a quiet celebration.  Small moments meaning the world.  I spent my day taking photos and riding around.  I had Chik Fil A for lunch, because really, this is the 35th anniversary of my fifth birthday.  The most asked question yesterday and today was "how do you feel?"  My answer: amazing! I don't mind getting older. It's the younger years I look back on and am amazed that I made it this far.  I'm truly thankful, content and blessed.

I decided yesterday I need to actually appear more on the blog.  Photographers have a tendency to not always photograph ourselves.  Or I've found I do so less now.  But I still need to document myself and my life.  So I started yesterday officially.  Being in front of the camera teaches me about photographing others as well.  Part of the day was spent on my favorite set of railroad tracks with a tripod and my 50mm lens and a remote.  It was so funny as cars crossed the tracks and would slow down. I'm pretty sure someone stopped and took a photo of me taking photos of myself.   I love this picture because it's blurry (faves) and we can see it as the road that's behind me or any way to look at it.  In the coming years the challenge will be to also star more in my own art.  

I wanted to do something different this time around.  I've talked about lessons in love and life on previous birthdays.  I still have the lessons and many of them hold true. It's just there are all these gray areas these days.  I don't feel up to listing lessons.  It seems the more I learn, the less I know.  If you could locate all the fucks I have to give about non-important issues you'd likely be wealthy.  Whatever fucks I haven't already wasted or spent have been allocated on myself, the important people in my life and my personal and business endeavors.  

I'll venture out to say things get hazy and crystal clear at the same time.  The things you most need to see and pay attention to present themselves.  It's as if you see them for the first time. 

So this year, I'm listing ten (10) of the most important moments in my life and in the next post I'll list 30 moments or things I'm looking forward to in this next decade.

10 Lovliest Memories + Moments 

1.  My grandparents.  Man, I have stories upon stories with these folks.  From road trips to Eutaw, Alabama and Atlantic City to driving across country to California.   They provided me with the basis for how I see the world. I see the world through their vintage eyes and with their love. It was a blessing I couldn't have ever imagined. God knew. They gave this little girl a foundation to stand on - and now, more than ever I'm thankful for it. 

2.  Moving from Birmingham to The DMV. Two days before I left I was robbed. Then still gathered the money and pushed forward. My friend at the time bailed. I drove a uhaul with a car hitched behind it and with about $300 in my pocket. The job I wanted - offered me less and I turned it down. I found another one and well, the rest is history. But it was harrowing and I don't advise moving this way. However, I was trying to get to something better. I did.  It taught me a lot about myself.  I was 25 and crazy.  Again, I don't recommend managing things this way.  However, surviving it made me tougher, better.

3.  Meeting this one man who managed to change my life and then set me on a course to be a better me. I'm thankful for his presence. Sometimes, people are there to help you move to the next phase of your life - whether you like it or not. I can honestly say he's played a key part in that transition.  If you're reading this my dear Surly Curmudgeon, I love you and I thank you.

4.  Working for the job I just quit. My last day at this job was a couple of days ago. I was able to meet amazing people, learn, become emotionally and spiritually stable, care for an ill parent, find sure footing, met friends who became family, re-ignited my creative side + my interest for photography and this job led me to the man in #3 and then to the new job that begins on Monday. 

5.  Visiting Nigeria. That was the moment I knew I needed another camera. I cried when I left. I wanted to stay, explore and find out what the land had to tell me. Omowale - the child has come home. Dont ever let anyone tell you that you don't need to visit Subsaharan Africa. You do. As a Black girl, there's something about being able to touch down on the continent and spend time there. You're never the same again.

6.  Buying a camera. This goes without saying, but purchasing this little Canon T3 completely changed my life.  It gave me something to look forward to doing.  It's given me an additional way to showcase the beauty in the world, capture memories and even create them.  It makes me want to get to places just to see them and bring them back with me.  It's helped my writing and it allows me to show others the world through my eyes without saying a word.  

7.  Starting a blog and putting my work into the unisphere. About four years ago, I started my first blog that I was actually willing to share.  I had started others, but wouldn't dare tell anyone about them.  It was time.  I was calling myself a writer - I just wasn't writing.  Writers write.  Part of that may only be for ourselves.  I selfishly need to write.  It helps me work many things through.  I return to something I've written and am amazed at the insight on the page.  I've had times I needed a good word to get me through and returned to my own writing and it helped me. Here's the thing - putting it out there and connecting with others helped me make new and amazing friends, connect with other creatives and has encouraged me to greater things. 

8.  Went to counseling.  Without waxing poetic too much, I'm an advocate of fully caring for yourself.  Physically and mentally.  I knew 40 was coming and I wanted to avoid the "wigging out" that I've seen many go through.  So, when life decided to crash around me at 37 I decided it was time.  Those few months of heading to counseling made all the difference.  It helped me fix parts of my foundation where there were leaks versus thinking I needed to burn the house down.  

9.  All of those seemingly ordinary moments we tend to take for granted.  Sitting with friends and having coffee.  Laughing with loved ones who are no longer here.  I miss being able to see my grandmother and take her for pizza.  Being able to sit in comfortable silence with someone you love. Reaching for my man from across the bed and wrapping myself around him as he sleeps.  Clean sheets.  Fresh, hot coffee.  Ice cold sangria.  Perfect lasagna.  A good night's sleep. Sunsets. Sunrises. Waterways. Alleys. Vintage things.  Babies. Puppies.  Kittens.  Kisses. Tight hugs. Good Indian food.  Sweet potato pies on porches. Long drives with no destination. Ice cream in random places.  Incense. Candles.  Snow.  Ice.  Raindrops.  Hot showers. Expensive soaps.  Station wagons.  Road trips.  Music.  Walks.  This list alone could be endless.  It's all of the sweet and ordinary moments that create our lives.  Those times we tend to ignore but shouldn't. I'm thankful for those.

10.  Turning 40.  It's been such an amazing ride.  Talking with my parents we all marvel at the general atrocities life throws at you and have been amazed at the grace of God.  I look back and the only thing that helps me add up how I've managed to survive is God's grace.  That's it. I mean sure, I've made a few good choices in my life, but without God I can't say anything would have come of my life.  Each of the moments above I attribute to Him (Her if you feel better about it).  

Well, here's to more of doing what we love and creating the moments that make our lives a good one.  Sending you love! 

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Life + Writing Prompts Vol V

Along the way of working on the prompts, after a few installments, I decided to post the remainder of the prompts at one time. This post has a mismosh of life prompts and actions.  It's important.  Because I'm all about love and living your best life, these prompts are dedicated to both and some are dedicated to a little bit of imagination.  

What do I mean by Best Life? I mean reaching a place where you enjoy your life.  You're not reaching back in the past for lost moments.  You're not always anticipating the future.  You're content where you are while appreciating what's happened and are looking forward to the future.  Your best life can look different at different moments.  What I needed or wanted in my twenties changed in my thirties.  On the brink of my forties there's another shift beginning and I suspect it may change again.  There's no right way, there's no one answer and you have the ability to change your mind, change your course at any moment.  Always keep that in mind. If you want to change your life and you're reading this, you have the power to do so.

1.  What does it mean for you to live your best life? List the components of what you believe looks like the life you want to live.  Now, write down what you believe is holding you back.  Do you think you need more money? A partner? More education? A better wardrobe? Most times, our best lives hinge on the smaller things and making the most (and best) from what we have. 

2.  What do you think of your life right now?  Is it amazing? Are you satisfied? This isn't a trick question but a gauge. It's a barometer to better understand where you are in this moment.  It took me some time to be able to manage through my issues.  My twenties and most of my thirties were spent trying to hold on and figure life out. There were many dark nights of soul.  There were many moments of insecurity. However, I'm a firm believer in attitude, prayer, faith and a lot of hard work.  Somehow, I'm here today to write and talk about it.

3.  As the days pass, we have to understand there's something about getting to that moment where things begin to fall into place.  Let's talk about your long and short term goals.  What do they look like?   By short term we're talking five (5) years and by long term we're talking ten (10).  This isn't a new concept.  People talk about it all the time.  But here, I need you to describe what your life will look like in five and ten years.  

4.  What's your current living space look like?  Is it liveable?  Goal : unfuck your space.  Clean it.  When you're in a good place and the space is clean, you can think.  I've mentioned this before, but it's so important to have a place where you like to be.  Buy a new set of sheets from Marshalls, Target or wherever. Get yourself a good meal.  Sometimes we have to break things back down to the simple basics. 

5.  Who are the people who have been there for you and who've been a blessing to you?  I'd like you to send them a thank you card and a small gift.  The gift can be under $20 but send them something thoughtful - a journal, a candle. a bottle of wine / whisky / flask, a gift card to Starbucks or a small store.  But something small.  Please note: You're not allowed to send me anything.  You have to pick someone that's not me.  I have to say that because some of y'all will mail stuff - you know who you are....

6.  I was talking with a good friend of mine one day and he told me that every day, he does one thing he wants to do. Not something he has to do, but wants to do. Today, and for seven days after this I'd like you to do one thing you want to do each day.  It could be sitting at a bookstore and reading, taking a long walk or nap (both?), sitting down and organizing something or even doing something creative.  It can be whatever you want it to be, as long as it's something you've been wanting to do. 

7.  I don't believe we have to travel far or great to have the best experiences or to learn.  Have you visited the free museums in your area?  The parks?  Other spaces? A local farmer's market? A specialty grocer? There's something about heading to local attractions within your city or town.  Make a list places that are within an hour of your home (longer if you're rural) and plan out a few day trips. 

8.  Tell two (2) people you love them.  Give them a word of encouragement and thank them for being in your life.

9.  If you know of someone in need today, please offer a helping hand.  Even if it's the donation of your time.  It doesn't have to be money. Offer to babysit, run errands, cook a meal, clean up or just head over there to sit and talk.  People in need don't always ask for help. I'm sure if you look around and you typically don't have to look far, you'll find a close friend in need of a bit of love and assistance.

10.  Write five (5) writing prompts for yourself.  My gmail notes, Evernote, notebooks and other elusive places are filled with ideas.  If you're anything like me, there's something everywhere.  Inspiration everywhere. use what you have.

11.  Time waits for no man.  We're often waiting for someone to encourage us, do things with us, tell us that we're enough.  So here it is, I encourage you, you have the power to do it and you're enough.  List 10-20 things you're putting off because you've been waiting for someone else's approval or arrival.  Go get your shit done.

12.  When we talk about best life and such, sometimes it means there are things we need to let go.  What is it you need to let go?  

13.  Write about the best day you've had.  You can choose any day.  What made it good?  Was it the place?  The people? What were you doing?  I've read that when you have those amazing moments, you attempt to recreate them as often as possible.  This is why it's important to think about them. 

14.  Challenge: sit at dinner with your significant other or best friend or yourself and don't use your phone.  Don't even look at or touch your phone. 

15.  Say the word no. Maybe you have something coming up that you really aren't into, just don't want to do.  We have to learn how to politely decline offers, situations and things.  Just practice it today.  But say it. 

16.  Part of feeling and being empowered can begin with something small.  What makes you feel powerful?  What makes you feel beautiful?  Is it eating better? Working out?  Getting a massage?  A mani pedi?  Getting your hair done?  Do something for yourself that's small but is the basis of making you feel better.  I know for me, I love getting a mani pedi.  I also feel amazing after I've worked out.  It makes having the pizza feel that much better because I've worked to be able to have it.

17.  Say yes.  What have you been turning down that you've always wanted to do?  What have you been talking yourself out of?  Or have you been afraid to try new things?  Say yes.  Learning to say yes - happily - is just as important as learning to say no.  

18.  Go to the doctor.  So many of us avoid the doctor because we don't want them to tell us that we have to lose weight, we should stop eating the way we're eating, we need to work on making some changes.  Maybe you've had bad experiences with the doctor, but I'm a believer in making sure your health is in order.  You can't have the best life when you avoid and neglect your health.  It means getting tested, listening, being honest and being ready to make changes.  If you're not insured, sometimes there are places that offer low to no cost physicals.  In DC, Bread for the City does excellent work and care.  It's so important to take good care of ourselves.  The body you have is the only one you'll get in this lifetime.  It has to take you where you need to go.  Do right by it. 

19.  This is more a piece of advice than it is anything else.  Determine to be happy.  I actually am prone to episodes of melancholy.  I had to find things that would and could snatch me out of that space.  For me? It's sharing here, writing and taking photos.  I didn't realize when I bought the camera what it would do for me. It's been a friend and a companion and a way to see the world.  It's kept me moving.  It's kept me inspired. For some they don't quite understand it, but there has to be a determination to be happy.  This is barring any sort of true clinical depression or anything (that's a very different scenario and during those times we have to seek professional help).  Determine that you will have a good life.  Making that decision alone can change everything.

20.  This is also a piece of advice.  It's all up to you.  There's no one else on the hook for your life.  You are the captain of this ship.  You can complain, fuss, choose to not make choices (which is a choice) but at the end of it all, it will have been up to you.  There are many people who have risen from the ashes to go on to do great things with their lives, with what seemed like nothing.  It's the movement and the determination that will carry you. Be tenacious about your life. 

So that ends the series of prompts.  I do hope they've at least made you think, take a few moments to consider things in your life.  It's important for us to make the best of it, make the most of it and still enjoy the time we have on this earth while leaving a legacy.  I'm thankful to have reached this point in my life.  I feel more confident, more sure about the things I want to do and where I am.  I wish you all the possible good, joy and love you can stand. 

With Love, 

Rae

If you're just discovering the prompts, here are the previous installments:

Vol I

Vol II

Vol III

Vol IV

Life + Writing Prompts Vol IV

"I'm open to all God has for me" 

How open are you?  What if God told you to let go of what was in your hands in order to give you more?  What if God wanted to see how you'd manage the current problems before you could advance to other areas of your dreams?

This post was difficult to write because it's not exactly in the form of formal prompts.  It's more so an ode to getting through our problems, loss and the awful moments we don't anticipate, the circumstances and perceived obstacles to bless us, teach us something about ourselves and move us further into who we're truly meant to be.  

What happens when we get off track? What happens when your path isn't clear? How do we turn life's detours and setbacks into something that can work for us? How can we take problems and come out of them stronger and better?

Talking with my father years ago, he mentioned adversity would make me stronger. I didn't want to hear that as a 23 year old woman struggling in school, money and trying to figure out how to eat.  I was livid. Turns out he was right. 

Who I am today has a lot to do with my upbringing and what I've thankfully and blessedly survived. 

So, first thing I have to impart is you need to live to tell the tale. That's the most important thing. If it doesn't kill you, you can get through it. Much of it is up to our attitudes, how we choose to look at things, who we choose to surround us in our lives.  It also means, you have to use your discernment to determine when and if someone should be in your life.  I've spent a lot of precious time holding on to things and situations that didn't want to be held.  Sometimes the difficulty was a way of getting me to let go.  Sometimes things get difficult in order for you to let them go.  Why is it we think things have to be difficult in order to be good?  Let me be clear, in any endeavor worth pursuing, there's going to be difficulty and hardship.  There will be things we have to get past and get over.  However, the entire time spent on an endeavor, a job, a relationship, a goal, should not be on managing problems.  There should be some enjoyment.  Drama is no one's ultimate destination.

All of this is critical. 

I was talking with Shefon who is such a bright light. I love her. And she briefly mentioned the notion of writing the key components to turning your bad into good and making lemonade when all you have is stacks of lemons.  I've talked about taking the death grip off of hope before and then as I was thinking about this next set of prompts about turning what we consider the bad into good, I was thinking about how maybe sometimes God uses those situations in order to help you along with your decision making.

Maybe you're having a hard time because it's a test.  Maybe you're having a hard time because there's something that needs to be developed in you.  Maybe you're having a hard time because it's not the time to work on that project or have that relationship.  Maybe you're having a hard time because it's time to let it go.  Discomfort signals something needs to be fixed or an action needs to be taken. There's an art to handling tragedy or the things we deem as "bad" and turning it into something good and prosperous.  In fact, I'd like to think it's part of that book of talents.  Can you take this wreck and do something with it?

1.  How do you handle loss, difficult moments and disappointment?  Do you shut down and play dead?  Do you go off?  Do you spend money, over eat, drink, etc?  I recently realized how I'm dealing with crisis differently than I used to.  It took a series of crises to get me to a different point.  A set of evolutionary tales to make me ask whether or not I valued myself and how I'd choose to make decisions going forward.  How do you respond when something negative happens?  Write down the different ways you've responded in an emergency or in a crisis (your own situation, that of a loved one).  Have you evolved over time? Writing out and taking time to consider how you respond can help you understand yourself.

2.  Learning how to manage our immediate response to something can change our lives.  There's a time to respond immediately (life saving, quick thinking in business) and there are times when we need to take a moment before we take action.  Action item: if someone says or does something this week that upsets you, take a moment before you respond.  Remember, once something is said, it can't be taken back.

3.  Think of something that's recently happened in your life.  What can you make of it?  Is there anything good that comes from it?  Is there anything you can glean from it? For me, I came to the conclusion that certain people were put in my life to show me love, others were put in my life to make strong.  Situations are often more about us that others.  

4. Managing regret. I've written about this a few times. Regrets can come back and replay themselves over and over again.  We get hung up on a certain moment, we get stuck there - replaying if we could've changed it. If we could've done better.  I've done it way too many times.  List two (2) major regrets.  These would be journal entries.  Then write about how the moment changed your life.  Have you been able to help others because of that moment?  Are you possibly better off and more mature because of it?  I tend to be the one who's happy she has a glass.  Not that it's full or half full, but that there's a glass.  My moments of regret - some of them very large - have changed the way I manage the relationships in my life, regrets have changed my heart.  I have to say, the regrets opened me up to being more of myself.

Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.

~Steven Pressfield

5. Clearing space. There are times when we can't always pull our thoughts together.  Mind is cluttered.  Most often it might begin with something else being cluttered.  Action: CLEAN. Undo that mess that's sitting somewhere in your house, your car or office.  Sort through your mail.  Make necessary calls.  Whatever is pending.  Sometimes, we cause problems by thinking things will magically improve or get better when it requires work, faith and humility on our part.  Things don't get better unless we work for them to get better.  We have to face the things we most don't want to face sometimes.

The day you decide to wake up your life will be waiting for you. There'll be work to do, problems to solve, but there will also be blessings to be had, moments to savor. It's yours. But in order to live our life to its fullest potential, much of it is solving problems.  Time won't wait for you.  Life continues on.  Are you waiting for things to get better before you starting living?  Are you waiting to accomplish something before you allow yourself to experience something else fully?  That one part of a good life hinges on another?  That maybe you think life can't be good when you're broke, sick or heartbroken?  It can be good - but we have to weather the moments. 

“I write entirely to find out what I’m thinking, what I’m looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”

— Joan Didion

There will be a set of eight volumes of the writing and journaling prompts.  To catch up on the previous editions of the writing prompts, see the links below:

Life & Writing Prompts Vol I

Life & Writing Prompts Vol II

Life & Writing Prompts Vol III

Life + Writing Prompts Vol II

If you're just catching up, then you can find Volume I of the Life + Writing Prompts with this link.

I see you've been signing up for updates and love in your inbox  and I so appreciate you!   I'm hoping I got the situation with the mail server correct. If you're not getting these, please let me know so I can work that out over the weekend. 

So let's get right to it.  This edition of the prompts may be a bit more intense.  Hopefully, you'll pull yourself together, say a prayer and then get into it. These might be one of the sets you'll consider putting in your journal.  There's no time frame.  However, should you decide to post, use the hashtag #roadto40. 

The prompts are drawn up from the experiences, the journal entries, the conversations, the blog posts and the many talks I've had over the years - with God, myself and others.  Leading up to a milestone birthday, whichever it may be, leads us to considering where we are in our lives.  Meeting our highest selves seems to be the ultimate goal.

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." ~ Thomas Jefferson

LIFE + WRITING PROMPTS VOL. II

1.  "Action cures fear."  

One of our most dreaded F words is fear.  I was thinking about it and realized how fear tends to rob us of taking opportunities that could truly bless us or facing things that need to be done - in order for us to be in position for a blessing.  The idea that we might not get what we want or that we might fail also causes us to shirk back and not want to deal.  But on the other side of things, let's think about how we're missing out on something that could benefit our life. Maybe there's a lot of work ahead and we're putting it off hoping someone else will do it?  Do we feel like we can't do the project?  Is there something that has too many moving parts?  This prompt is about the planning of how to get past your fear and get your shit done.  What are the things you most want to do?  Do you have a plan in place? Do you have a list of ideas? A list of who to talk to or where to begin? Write a list of five things you're putting off.  Take the item that's most important to you and write the steps to get it done.  If you're not sure how you'll make it work, find someone you know who can put things in perspective with you. Sometimes, we need to learn who to ask for help and how to ask for help.  

2.  Write a minimum of 100 words about something you've been able to overcome and get through. How did you get through it?  It doesn't have to be large. It doesn't have to be anything anyone else knows about but you.  I don't expect you to put this out there for everyone to read it, but you should at least write yourself a little something in a private space or journal.  Personally, a lot of my work is typed into Evernote (I've fallen in love with it) and then of course there are notebooks everywhere.  This paragraph is at 100 words.

3.  Write yourself a letter, date it and seal it.  This letter is to be read by you in two years.  I recently found a letter that I wrote to myself back in 2011 when I was having a series of unfortunate events.  It's been almost four years.  When I found it while cleaning, it was addressed to me and in my handwriting.  I'd forgotten I wrote it.  I let it sit for a few days, afraid to read it. I used to not read my journals (out of fear of re-living the moments) but now I can read them and see how far I've come from the woman that was writing the entry and how I can empathize with her.  The letter?  It was beautiful and kind.  A letter to my future self about where I wanted her to be. By the time I got to the midway point (it was only a page), I was already in tears.   It tore me up because at the core of it, I've always wanted the best for myself even when I wasn't sure how to get there, even when I haven't done the best by myself or been the best to myself.  Sometimes we need to know we really and truly do love and value ourselves.

4.  Life prompt: Connect with someone close and ask them about a time or a situation they've been able to overcome.  Do they have any advice for how to face things? Do you like their life and the way the maneuver and manage?  In my case, I've been talking with my father and a few other loved ones about situations they went through.  If they happen to tell me about a difficult time, sometimes I ask them how they made it.  Sometimes they're not sure.  Other times they've come back to me and talked about what happened.  It's been a blessing and helped me to weather some true storms.   Grandparents and elders are good for this one.  But honestly, it can be your best friend or husband | wife.  Anyone you're truly close with and can talk to.  Anyone whose counsel you'd seek when you're in trouble.   You'd be amazed at the moments people will tell you about - that you might not have had any idea they've overcome. You'll be amazed at how it may bring you closer. 

5.  Let's go back to number 1.  Remember how you listed those things that you need to do? Something you're afraid to do but it has to be done?  Pick the easiest action item on that list towards the goal and do it.  If you've done it already, move to your next goal and start on taking it down.  We can work on more than one thing at a time.  It may all come together later, but we can start the work on it now.  Give yourself a star next to the item and cross it off and repeat. 

Bonus:  Since we're talking about fear this time, I'd like you to counteract some of it and write how you're uniquely designed to manage the problem(s) that you're facing.  Now, that might sound like bullshit.  But most times, we're designed for the things that we come up against.  I didn't used to think so, but problems (as a whole) are meant to mature us and help us to grow + evolve into who we're meant to be.  List some of your strengths and how those strengths can be applied to get you through. 

Well, I'm sure y'all are likely to cuss me out through this.  Know I care.  Know I've been walking the same road and dealing with the same questions you're reading.  I get it and I know how hard it can be.  This is part of my gift to you.  I promise if you attempt to do the work, it'll work for you. 

Currently listening to Sango "Trust Me"