Life + Writing Prompts Vol III

This is the third in a series of eight.  If you'd like to catch up on the previous writing prompts, here they are:

Life + Writing Prompts Vol I

Life + Writing Prompts Vol II 

We all need creativity in our lives. We need the ability to produce, give back and add value.  I'm certain this is a tenet of being human and feeling useful.  Now, how we use it is a different story. I'm sure there are things we all have to do and sometimes we don't do them.  We feign that we're too tired, not enough time, not enough money, not enough people around us to encourage us.  We blame work and other family responsibilities.  In other words, there's always something else that we can put in as a reason we're not doing things that fulfill us.  We can live a lifetime of adding in excuses and the whys of why we're not living, why we're not doing things we love.  

What I've come to know over these last four years of blogging and this last 18 months of picking up a camera is that we absolutely need to make the time to do these things. To meet the creative muse or the Spirit that feeds us, makes the world a bit brighter because we're in it.  Sometimes, we don't know what we're supposed to be doing.  Usually it's hidden in the things we do for free.  I know people say that all the time, but it's the moments that we feel most alive. It doesn't have to be what everyone tells you you're good at.  It might be something that no one knows you enjoy.  The secret is carving out more time to do it.  

LIFE + WRITING PROMPTS VOL. III

1.  Since many of you are writers and creatives, check out this 1998 interview of Toni Morrison by the Paris Review. You'll note she talks about creative rituals, her favorite pencils. Pay attention to yourself over the next few days. What are your creative rituals? You likely have them and never noticed them. I mentioned in the other posts about writing or creating when you're closest to your creativity. For me, it can be any time. But I do best in the mornings. The challenge has been getting up in the morning. Another funny thing has been that when I go out to shoot photos, I tend to head to the same spots over and over again.  I also have to stop at Chik-Fil-A for a spicy chicken sandwich, waffle fries and a lemonade.  It's become a habit.  Sometimes, I may clean the entire house.  Sometimes, I might procrastinate writing things down for months.  All of us have rituals.  It may not always be that way, but every time I head a certain direction, I'm going to stop at Chik-Fil-A.  Take a moment to think of the things that you do before you create.  Think of the things you have to have in place, how you do what you do and what your rituals are.     Note: as you come closer to your purpose and discover your passion, you realize you're willing to do things you normally would not do. Rise early, stay up late. 

2. Do you have what you need to make the most of your creativity at this time? If you're painting do you need art supplies? Is your space cleared and ready? Do you need to rearrange things?  Is it time that you need to carve out?  Are you thinking about doing what you love more than you actually do it?  Is there something small you can do that puts you more in the mood to create?

3.  Recommendations for creative reading:

Steven Pressfield's  The War of Art , Do The Work       

Maxine Clair's Imagine This: Creating the Work You Love

Lewis Hyde's The Gift: Creativity and the Artist in the Modern World

Anne Lamott's Bird By Bird

Guy Kawasaki and Shawn Welch Author, Publisher, Entrepeneur (APE): How to Publish a Book

I've posted the Kindle links for the books above.  However, all of them are available in hard copy.  I've read these.  If you can get these and read them over the next year, I'd recommend it.  I've been reading them off and on for a couple of years.  Some I return to as well.  I'm currently working my way through Lewis Hyde's The Gift and it's really been a blessing. It's enhancing the way I look at what I give out, what I create and how I choose to present it.  I'd like to think these prompts may have come out of reading parts of the book.  I've been blown away by the ideas presented in these books.  I try my best never to suggest anything that hasn't helped me in some way. Each has helped me along in terms of art, writing, business or just getting down to business and getting the work done.  Disclaimer: The links provided are my Amazon affililiate store links. 

4.  Action item: Creativity can require motion but I believe much of it happens when we can be still and connect.  It allows us the space to think, listen and be present.  I believe the best ideas also happen in the midst of activities we don't have to think about - washing dishes, showering, driving and other daily moments. This action item is about NOT being in motion. Our lives are too busy, perpetual motion. The art of being still and being present is key. Can you find a space to do that? The park, near the river, the ocean or wherever you like to get to. Be safe.  But get to a place where you can have a moment and think. If you're planning ahead, pack yourself a little lunch or go and pick up a sandwich and head to the spot. Take a book and something to write in and with.  If it's possible to not look at your phone for this hour, please try it.  You'll be glad you did.  

5.  Action item: We can create anything we want. We must watch what we speak into existence. What we choose to ask for. What our subconscious moves say about the future we create. While thinking about this last prompt, one of action, I realized I needed to also hone it myself. When you read this, the clock begins and for seven (7) calendar days there's no negative speaking. [my clock begins the moment I publish it] No counter talk. Not for yourself or others. These seven days should be about encouragement, speaking life, speaking things into existence. If you need to be quiet rather than speak or complain or put bad words into a situation then just do that. Shut up.  Also, we might have to tell some of our family members and loved ones that we're on a 7-day hiatus from talking badly about other people or ourselves.  Let's give that a rest.  We can do that.  We can be gentle with the way we speak and think about ourselves and others.  We can work towards it.  Sometimes, we need to learn to keep our mouths closed until our thoughts can align with what we want the most.  During this time we need to watch our thoughts. Think the highest thoughts of and for people,of yourself. Sometimes we get into a rut. If you like, write some of the situations down that you're working through and then figure out a way to speak positively over them. 

Note: sometimes, situations and events are what they are. We can't change them. But speaking over them changes us and gives us new perspective. I'm not asking you to be unrealistic. However sometimes we need to get a handle on how we deal with things. We need a way to see them differently if we can't completely quit. 

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead and an outstanding Monday....be sure to sign up for updates.   I hope what I've been posting is helping you.  It's been blessing me.  I sincerely believe we're all better when we help one another and when we can access our gifts and creativity.  It puts us in a space to be effective and to live a good life.  I can say it's helped me meet some of the people I love the most.  It helps me deal with the rest of the world.  Being able to photograph people, places and things, being able to write down and capture what others are feeling.  Sometimes creativity also helps us to not feel alone.  When you have nothing else, no one else, when everything has gone to shit you usually have God, yourself and your work.  It's a needed  life preserver. Those things will keep us afloat when all else tends to go wrong.  I've been thankful for the ability to create over the last few years when my years were awful.  It kept me grounded.  It kept my heart open and allowed me to find and create a home in this world.  

In other news, I've also seriously been considering creating a newsletter before the end of the year.  I have no idea what the theme is or what it'll be about but if you'd like to keep up with the creative journey and get a bit of love in your inbox then just sign up here.

Love, 

Rae

Now Playing: Doja Cat - Beautiful 

Life + Writing Prompts Vol II

If you're just catching up, then you can find Volume I of the Life + Writing Prompts with this link.

I see you've been signing up for updates and love in your inbox  and I so appreciate you!   I'm hoping I got the situation with the mail server correct. If you're not getting these, please let me know so I can work that out over the weekend. 

So let's get right to it.  This edition of the prompts may be a bit more intense.  Hopefully, you'll pull yourself together, say a prayer and then get into it. These might be one of the sets you'll consider putting in your journal.  There's no time frame.  However, should you decide to post, use the hashtag #roadto40. 

The prompts are drawn up from the experiences, the journal entries, the conversations, the blog posts and the many talks I've had over the years - with God, myself and others.  Leading up to a milestone birthday, whichever it may be, leads us to considering where we are in our lives.  Meeting our highest selves seems to be the ultimate goal.

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." ~ Thomas Jefferson

LIFE + WRITING PROMPTS VOL. II

1.  "Action cures fear."  

One of our most dreaded F words is fear.  I was thinking about it and realized how fear tends to rob us of taking opportunities that could truly bless us or facing things that need to be done - in order for us to be in position for a blessing.  The idea that we might not get what we want or that we might fail also causes us to shirk back and not want to deal.  But on the other side of things, let's think about how we're missing out on something that could benefit our life. Maybe there's a lot of work ahead and we're putting it off hoping someone else will do it?  Do we feel like we can't do the project?  Is there something that has too many moving parts?  This prompt is about the planning of how to get past your fear and get your shit done.  What are the things you most want to do?  Do you have a plan in place? Do you have a list of ideas? A list of who to talk to or where to begin? Write a list of five things you're putting off.  Take the item that's most important to you and write the steps to get it done.  If you're not sure how you'll make it work, find someone you know who can put things in perspective with you. Sometimes, we need to learn who to ask for help and how to ask for help.  

2.  Write a minimum of 100 words about something you've been able to overcome and get through. How did you get through it?  It doesn't have to be large. It doesn't have to be anything anyone else knows about but you.  I don't expect you to put this out there for everyone to read it, but you should at least write yourself a little something in a private space or journal.  Personally, a lot of my work is typed into Evernote (I've fallen in love with it) and then of course there are notebooks everywhere.  This paragraph is at 100 words.

3.  Write yourself a letter, date it and seal it.  This letter is to be read by you in two years.  I recently found a letter that I wrote to myself back in 2011 when I was having a series of unfortunate events.  It's been almost four years.  When I found it while cleaning, it was addressed to me and in my handwriting.  I'd forgotten I wrote it.  I let it sit for a few days, afraid to read it. I used to not read my journals (out of fear of re-living the moments) but now I can read them and see how far I've come from the woman that was writing the entry and how I can empathize with her.  The letter?  It was beautiful and kind.  A letter to my future self about where I wanted her to be. By the time I got to the midway point (it was only a page), I was already in tears.   It tore me up because at the core of it, I've always wanted the best for myself even when I wasn't sure how to get there, even when I haven't done the best by myself or been the best to myself.  Sometimes we need to know we really and truly do love and value ourselves.

4.  Life prompt: Connect with someone close and ask them about a time or a situation they've been able to overcome.  Do they have any advice for how to face things? Do you like their life and the way the maneuver and manage?  In my case, I've been talking with my father and a few other loved ones about situations they went through.  If they happen to tell me about a difficult time, sometimes I ask them how they made it.  Sometimes they're not sure.  Other times they've come back to me and talked about what happened.  It's been a blessing and helped me to weather some true storms.   Grandparents and elders are good for this one.  But honestly, it can be your best friend or husband | wife.  Anyone you're truly close with and can talk to.  Anyone whose counsel you'd seek when you're in trouble.   You'd be amazed at the moments people will tell you about - that you might not have had any idea they've overcome. You'll be amazed at how it may bring you closer. 

5.  Let's go back to number 1.  Remember how you listed those things that you need to do? Something you're afraid to do but it has to be done?  Pick the easiest action item on that list towards the goal and do it.  If you've done it already, move to your next goal and start on taking it down.  We can work on more than one thing at a time.  It may all come together later, but we can start the work on it now.  Give yourself a star next to the item and cross it off and repeat. 

Bonus:  Since we're talking about fear this time, I'd like you to counteract some of it and write how you're uniquely designed to manage the problem(s) that you're facing.  Now, that might sound like bullshit.  But most times, we're designed for the things that we come up against.  I didn't used to think so, but problems (as a whole) are meant to mature us and help us to grow + evolve into who we're meant to be.  List some of your strengths and how those strengths can be applied to get you through. 

Well, I'm sure y'all are likely to cuss me out through this.  Know I care.  Know I've been walking the same road and dealing with the same questions you're reading.  I get it and I know how hard it can be.  This is part of my gift to you.  I promise if you attempt to do the work, it'll work for you. 

Currently listening to Sango "Trust Me"

Life + Writing Prompts Vol.I

It's May 5th, Cinco de Mayo and well, the good number five happens to be one of my favorite numbers.  Through my stream of consciousness on twitter, I realized I needed to do something leading up to my birthday.  I'm still figuring out what post I want to write about turning 40.  If you happen to have suggestions for something you'd like to read, let me know.  I'm open.  It's a community.  I'm considering a post featuring 10 memorable moments and then the 30 I'm looking forward to experiencing.  Believe it or not, I have more to do on my bucket list than I've actually accomplished.  

It's a "get busy living or get busy dying kind of year."  A year that has me in reflection about the people and the moments that mean the most to me - and how to get more of those moments.  How do I spend more time with them?  How do I spend, create, invite more moments that leave me feeling thankful to be alive?  What are the components of those?  Real talk, I've worked some of it out but if there's anything else I've learned it's that I have fewer answers and more gray areas. 

In celebration of the coming day, I decided I would create a series of eight (8) blog posts with five (5) life + writing prompts.  I added the life prompts because while it's cute to talk about writing and actually write, it's also cute to do things - actual things that make you pull away from the computer or the phone and live.  In other words, creating memories and actually living life in real time and not just tweeting, texting and watching what others are doing in real time.  

Some of these prompts may not be things you want to share on social media or anywhere publicly.  Maybe these are answers, thoughts, mind maps for your journal and that's great.  The main thing is to take the time and at least think about a few things, jot some notes down. Although I rely on my phone to take notes, I've been crazy productive sitting down and writing long hand these days.  It means I can draw, I don't have to do things in a straight line if I don't want to, I can circle things and insert "yassssssssssssss" on the corners of the words I didn't know I could write that bless me later. My suggestion is to write whenever you feel most connected to your creativity.  Whether it's morning, evening or somewhere in between.  

Life + Writing Prompts Vol. I

1.  I've long considered my legacy.  Legacy doesn't mean you have to change the lives of millions (immediately).  Sometimes it's just helping the people who are closest to you and being an inspiration.  What you do for one has the power to influence the world. Let's think about your position as it relates to the here and now. What is your desired legacy? In other words, what mark would you like to leave on the world?  How would you like to bless the world?  How will you leave it better?

2. Are you still dreaming or have you put them away?  Are there dreams you hoped to accomplish that you've tucked away?  Is it that you no longer want to do them or is it you think you can't do them?   Is there something else that replaced it?

3. Choose a photo you've taken (via phone or camera) and write why it means so much to you. Is it the time and place? Is it the people? The sentiment?

4. Life prompt: print out two (2) photos you've taken that inspire you.  If you've not taken any, this is your chance to find something positive, beautiful and encouraging and post it somewhere visible to inspire you.  You can print your photos through Walgreens.  Even if you'd prefer to use your instagram account, you can do that too and upload to Walgreens or order prints through printstagr.am.  You can even choose to post these photos in a small journal you're working through and write and mindmap around them.

5. Life prompt: Write one letter or send a card to someone you love dearly. Did you realize you don't know their mailing address? Here's your moment to ask them and send something good to them. If you're feeling frisky include stationary with a SASE (self addressed stamped envelope) to encourage them to reply back. Even if the person is someone you speak to often if not daily, it's always nice to receive something special in the mail.  If you'd like to turn it into a gift package with a journal, candle, etc then by all means do that too - just be sure to mail it. 

This is the first volume of the prompts.  You're welcome to stack and store them as something for inspiration later.  We can all use more of that right?  Also, don't forget to sign up via the homepage for updates from me.  Just click on the link here and click *mailing list.  Keep me posted on how things are working out as you're working on the prompts.  

xoxox

May Clarity

Happy May! 

There was something in the air this morning when I woke up.  I was slow to get out of bed, slow to leave the house and then as I was getting dressed, this wave of sheer contentment, gratitude and knowing fell over me.  

I don't know how to explain it other than a sort of euphoria - a contentment for the people and the events in my life as things stand right now.  

My birthday isn't until the end of the month, but in a historical sense I begin to celebrate at the beginning of the month. Why wait?

I've been talking with many women over the last few months about what it meant to turn 40. The thing I'm hearing collectively is that it's an important time.  It's a time for things to be clearer for you.  Directions and paths become clear.  It's a time to make important decisions that govern the next part of our lives.   I can say there's been something happening from the inside out over this last year.  I can feel the change, my friends and loved ones can see the change.  

Some of the changes have shocked me.  However, they've all been amazing.  From the way I've handled situations, to the letting go of dreams that don't serve me any longer and learning when to speak up and when to shut up.  From realizing I have the courage to face certain challenges to understanding that I have the ability to save myself. 

It's my job to save myself and I've fully capable of it.  You are too.  

Reality is, there's a lot that we don't have any control over.  We DO have control over ourselves, our decisions, our reactions and the things we need to do in order to make our lives better overall.  We have the ability to decide to choose ourselves.  We have the ability to forgive ourselves and move forward knowing we deserve to have the best life possible. 

When I woke up this morning, amidst the initial fog there was pure clarity.  There was certainty that things were on track and that I was exactly where I needed to be.  That while I feel like I know far less at this point in life, I'm more sure of myself.  I'm certain that there are good things ahead.  That God is with me and there's an exciting path ahead.  

At this start of May, I pray God blesses you and gives you clarity on the things that haven't yet been settled in your heart.

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Hidden Roads + Time

As the Divine would have it, I was riding along in Maryland when I came across railroad tracks. Hidden railroad tracks.  Railroad tracks built on old rails.  Tracks that no longer have a starting point or an end point.  What you can't see is they are about 25 feet in the air.  There's a parkway on the other side of them.   They rest in the backyard of million dollar properties, fenced off and likely forgotten.   I've purposely left it crooked and unadjusted.  I have this thing about editing photos.  I actually don't like it.  I mean sure I'd love to Photoshop out my fat rolls from time to time and well, there's color correction.  But what you're seeing is what happens when a girl sees hidden railroad tracks, parks and then has to discover which path is the safest one in order to photograph said tracks. In other words, y'all are gonna enjoy this good crooked photo. 

I enjoyed getting back there.  They're actually fenced off and while I could've likely entered the cordoned off area, I realized I was competing with wood that was more than 100 years old and well, it's not the best use of my time and efforts making an attempt to stand on them.

Every time I photograph railroad tracks and paths, I can't stop thinking about destination, destiny, direction, path and the use of my time.  Time time time.  How we spend it. The choices we make.  Who we spend our time with.  The pursuits and endeavors.  The legacy we want to leave.  The sunsets.  The rides down the road.  The love we offer. The trips we take.  The comfort and help we extend.  The moments we miss when we're focused on the wrong things.  The opportunities gained and lost.  The relationships held together and lost.  So much - and it often comes down to time and what + how much we choose to allocate and put in order.   

There are many important things and decision on the rise and a shit ton of work ahead.  I'm up for it.  However, there's always a manner of deciding the order of business.  Who's most important? What's most important? What's urgent?   It seems to ebb and flow.  There's not always a right answer - there's often a right answer at that time and one that may better suit us in the future.  I'm not just deciding any longer for the current moment.  There are decisions to be made for my future self.  

You see.... in about five hours the year will turn to May.  It's my month.  I've historically celebrated all month every year as an adult.  I figure why wait?  This year happens to be a bit different only because it's a "zero" year and that means change.  I don't remember the 20th and Lord knows at the 30th I can't exactly remember but this 40th?  It'll be documented.  

I've been feeling quiet lately and the need to move quietly as I make decisions.  As I've said before, it's the private moments no one else can see that forges your character and Spirit.  As I roll into the month, I'll be posting here and there all leading up to a post on my birthday at the end of the month.  In the meantime, there's work to be done.  Lists are being refined and moves are being measured twice and cut once.  If you've been reading here, stay with me.   I recently updated a few things and you can head over to the front page of the blog and click on mailing list and you'll see updates from the blog and possibly even the occasional newsletter - in your inbox! Magic and shit.  I look forward to sharing this next leg of the journey with you. 

With Love, 

Rae

Ephemera and Sage Advice

Checking in.  I've been in the throes of intentionally working on my first book.  Not the sort of "I'm writing a book" as you think about it and don't write, but the actual sitting down and selecting, writing, editing, crying and cursing writing a book.  If you have a writer in your life, please hug them tight, love them tremendously and kiss them.  The work sometimes makes you insecure.  We see everything, we feel everything. It's terrible work.  Yes this is in all caps. You will have to deal.  The work is terrible.  i know i said that already. you still have to deal.  Which is why most of us never publish.  It's rewarding.  But it is daunting, terrible and I promise those of us truly working at it only do it because we are compelled in our spirit to torture ourselves in hopes the stories, poems, prose, thoughts we create are consumed for the greater good.

Again, terrible work. 

I can't give anything away.  I will tell you I've fallen in love with the book after fighting with it for months.  That means something for me. It's enough to make me keep at it until you have the work in your hands.

The photo above is something random I chose from my hard drive.  It seems a telling story for many reasons.  I'll leave it up for your interpretation. 

Among creatives we hoard things.  We keep slips of paper, notes, anecdotes, quotes, photos, old letters - ephemera.  I just needed a reason to use ephemera.  we keep it because it helps us later. I have tons of books spread about.  Old notes, new notes. we need it. we need things to review and look at

I was sifting through the thousands of notes I have and came across the text from a letter that famed playwright Noel Coward wrote to Marlene Dietrich on her horrible romance with Yul Brenner.  I'm not sure how I found it.  I may have been researching old love letters. Good writing and sage advice lives with you long after you read it.  this has stayed with me since i read it and it hit me again when i read it tonight.  i wanted to share it with you.. Read along and get your life.  This is a good word on love.

Noel Coward, to Marlene Dietrich, on her terrible romance with Yul Brynner:

Firefly Hill
Port Maria
Jamaica B.W.I.

Oh, darling,

Your letter filled me with such a lot of emotions, the predominant one being rage that you should allow yourself to be so humiliated and made so unhappy by a situation that really isn't worthy of you. I loathe to think of you apologizing and begging forgiveness and humbling yourself. I don't care if you did behave badly for a brief moment, considering all the devotion and loving you have given out during the last five years, you had a perfect right to. The only mistake was not to have behaved a great deal worse a long time ago. The aeroplane journey sounds a nightmare to me.

It is difficult for me to wag my finger at you from so very far away particularly as my heart aches for you but really darling you must pack up this nonsensical situation once and for all. It is really beneath your dignity, not your dignity as a famous artist and a glamourous star, but your dignity as a human, only too human, being. Curly is attractive, beguiling, tender and fascinating, but he is not the only man in the world who merits those delightful adjectives...Do please try to work out for yourself a little personal philosophy and DO NOT, repeat DO NOT be so bloody vulnerable. To hell with God damned "L'Amour." It always causes far more trouble than it is worth. Don't run after it. Don't court it. Keep it waiting off stage until you're good and ready for it and even then treat it with the suspicious disdain that it deserves...I am sick to death of you waiting about in empty houses and apartments with your ears strained for the telephone to ring. Snap out of it, girl! A very brilliant writer once said (could it have been me?) "Life is for the living." Well that is all it is for, and living DOES NOT consist of staring in at other people's windows and waiting for crumbs to be thrown to you. You've carried on this hole in corner, overcharged, romantic, unrealistic nonsense long enough.

Stop it Stop it Stop it. Other people need you...Stop wasting your time on someone who only really says tender things to you when he's drunk...

Unpack your sense of humor, and get on with living and ENJOY IT.

Incidentally, there is one fairly strong-minded type who will never let you down and who loves you very much indeed. Just try to guess who it is. XXXX. Those are not romantic kisses. They are un-romantic. Loving "Goose-Es."

Your devoted "Fernando de Lamas"

On Legacy

This little house calls me back - even on days when I shouldn't be out there photographing it.  I wonder the story, I wonder who lived there.  I'm not sure why it's become so special to me. For some reason it seems to validate my obsession with home.   It greets me with something beautiful and surprising every time I've gone out to photograph it. I'm rewarded with something different every time I've showed up.  I've come to need this little house in my life - which is why I photograph it.  I've come to need certain people in my life.  I can't even fight it any longer.  Now, it's a fact.

In the needing of each other, there's a loving without demand or condition.  I'm going to love you without placing ridiculous demands or conditions.   The idea that you'll do the same.  The idea that we'll hang in there even when some of the rules are broken. 

In loving, I keep this quote in mind:

As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have - something inside that is unique to all time.  It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression. 

Fred Rogers 

          The World According to Mister Rogers

I've been fortunate enough to have had grandparents that laid a perfect foundation of love. It's something for me to hold on to in the murky waters of this world.  If offered me a strong sense of self and a stronger sense of love.  They left me a legacy of love and what it means to show up for each other, for their family consistently, for me.  Without fail -- they were relentless when it came down to showing up and how they loved me.   I'll be forever grateful for their example. 

There's a magic in being able to show others how rare and beautiful they are.  It's why I don't ever hold those feelings back.  There's no time.

The land the house rests on was sold for a large construction project.  What I've loved about it is that they haven't knocked it down.  They've maintained it and the barns behind it.  There's always a moment when I drive that way, I'm wondering if it'll still be there which is why I photograph it every moment I can.  

I decided some time ago that I'd love in the same way.  I'd make sure I would show you and tell you in every way I could.  I wanted others to know.  I don't care who knows.  The fact remains, this is how I sleep well at night.  I want to show up for you.  I want to be there for you.  I want to love you whether or not your life is in the best order or your behavior is less than stellar.  It doesn't matter to me.  The good thing about real love is that when it's real, there's nothing you have to do for it.  It's just there. Always remember that - you don't work for the love of others. It's just given.  It's there even when you're in disagreement.  It's there whether or not you comply with their wishes.  In that way, I've been able to see people and situations differently. I've also managed to come across some of the most stellar human beings anyone could ever know.  I'm thankful. 

If I'm lucky enough, I'll be old like the house some day.  Not empty or abandoned, but old, beautiful and holding my ground with a story to tell.  I hope the house knows I love it and I'll visit it as long as it stands.   I'll be near the end of my time, but my legacy will be the thing left standing.  I hope that will be a legacy of love. 

Seek First To Understand

Over the last 15 months of having a DSLR I've become obsessed with capturing moments others aren't paying attention to.  I'm eternally curious about someone's story, who they are, why they're where they are, what their life is like, who they love.  Not to be nosy, but maybe because it's a need to see similarities.  Maybe it's that thing that helps me tie all of us together.  I don't have all the answers.  I really believe I have fewer answers now than I thought I did some years ago.  I just know it drives me to want to understand more, see more, be present - more.  

It was last year that I snapped this photo.  My archive says it was April 13, 2014.  I might have been on the 36 bus that day, for reference and all.  I sat down and we were crossing the bridge and looked up to see this man looking at the Anacostia.  But it was that he reminded me of another time in history, in my history even.  I couldn't help but think of my grandfather in the moment.  I needed this photo.  I raised my camera and snapped a few images.  Then I wondered what he could possibly be thinking about. 

I began this post last week, but I had to look for this photo because it was something about it that made me wonder what it means to understand another person.  That in trying to understand ourselves, the pursuit of understanding another is worthy. 

We live in this power struggle for understanding in most of our relationships. At least in those of the romantic kind, those of siblings, those of parents and children, those at work.  Hell, even playing sidewalk roulette and vying for seats on the metro, the bus and passing people on the road.  Every day there seems to be a struggle.  The idea and the need to be validated and noticed.  The moments spent in hoping the other person supports our decisions and approves of us.  We garner and vy for love and attention. 

I've learned you can have the attention of thousands, but often you're seeking the love and attention of just one. 

I'm really talking to myself here, by the way.  This is my story, my narrative.

That moment of if I could just get him to notice me.  Really see me.  That moment of man I wish he looked that happy when he was with me.  The way we yearn for love.  The way we "fall in love alone" as Iris from The Holiday put it so eloquently. I've spent countless years in that struggle to be noticed or rather - understood.  Moments trying to explain myself and get people to understand.  I think sometime in my twenties  I realized the endeavor in itself was a useless one.  I was playing it all wrong.   

Along the way, I realized it was better to understand than be understood.  I got the idea that no one really cares unless you express that you care about them.  That you care about what they think, how they feel, their experiences and how things are happening for them.  In other words - not just a momentary check-in but that you really care.  That you're able to listen.  You don't even need to offer advice.  Sometimes just listening and paying for the coffee works.  The way my grandmother used to grab my hand in public is something that I'll always miss, but it's that one thing that also told me she really cared about me.  She'd grab me in public and kiss me and hug me like it was the first and last time we'd hug.  It's hard not to miss that sort of moment.  Or that she would make sure to pick out tomatoes that were barely ripe - since she knew I wouldn't eat the ones that were too soft.  It's the small gestures in life that seem to add up to be the most valuable.  Offering a sincere and  heartfelt, "I'm sorry" "I understand" "I feel you" "Man, that's really shitty" "That was fucked up" - you know - letting the person know you're on their side, despite what the odds could say. 

Understanding is paying attention.

Understanding means being able to put yourself in someone's shoes and get to a place that you can meet them where they are.

Understanding can in turn help you know what needs your actual attention and what to leave alone.  

The funny part?  The more I think I understand, the less I actually know. It's a terrible thing to try and balance out so I've stopped.

All of this matters in the course of designing our lives. 

I'm somewhat of an enigma.  At least in my own mind.  Those closest to me have been kind enough to echo much of my own insanity so I'm not isolated.  We seem to get each other.  That's the important thing.  While the understanding may begin as a one-sided curiosity, there's a mutual relationship and exchange that has to happen.  The person has to be willing to let you in to see them as they are - flaws and all.  You have to be willing to look and not flinch when the person may be something different than you had conjured up in your mind.  They have to be willing to turn and see you as well.  Sometimes, if we're lucky enough, we find each other to be as beautiful as we had hoped.  I have to admit, I've been rarely disappointed when I go in with this notion.  

For me, once I've decided to love you, you really don't have a choice.  I'm on your side.  I'm with you even when others may not be.  I mean whose always got their shit together? I don't.  But I know I've had some amazing people stand by me and walk with me when I didn't. Secretly I'm still trying to get my shit together but don't tell anyone.

I don't know if I've mastered the art of understanding, as I like to call it.  I'd like to think it's why I meet and talk to so many.  Why I share. Why I attempt to capture moments with my camera, why I love photographing the people I love. But I know how critical understanding is in building a life that's worthy of review at the end of our days. It's helped me to build some of the richest relationships that continue to bless me even in this moment. 

On Writing and Finishing

 

Are you paralyzed with fear? That’s a good sign. Fear is good. Like self-doubt, fear is an indicator. Fear tells us what we have to do. Remember one rule of thumb: the more scared we are of a work or calling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it. ~ sTEVEN PRESSFIELD

If you've been reading this blog for a while, perhaps you've found me through my original blog "From Rae With Love."  FRWL wasn't my first blog, but it's the first one I paid attention to and the idea stuck.  It's the first one I shared with others openly.  It's the first one where I consistently wrote and received feedback. The posts were heartfelt.  I left parts of myself on the page so to speak.  I guess I still do.  It's just now, I'm not writing all about love all the time - although not-so-secretly, I think it's always about love.

I decided some time ago after looking at the posts and re-reading much the material, that I had the makings of a book.  I mean, one happens to draft 100k words over the course of a few years and there has to be something there right? Right. Even if it's only a chapter or two that are the makings of a book, even if you're just pulling ideas,  it can be the beginning of something.

Well, I have to admit, there's definitely something there. 

The thing about writing a book, or taking on any major endeavor for that matter, is it always begins to shine light in your dark places.  It brings out both the worst and the best of you.  I'm not sure if any other writers have experienced this, but in the process of writing you're hyper-sensitive to everything.  You see everything, you feel things in a different way, you process things differently.   Maybe that's not a bad thing.  There's a lot of moxie and fortitude to get through things.  To sift through not just old posts, but to sift through old journals and notes and re-live the moments that were so carefully tucked away. 

Major endeavors tend to bring up all sorts of fears, insecurities and other pesky business.  There's a lot of doubt along the road of something great.  

The artist committing himself to his calling has volunteered for hell, whether he knows it or not. He will be dining for the duration on a diet of isolation, rejection, self-doubt, despair, ridicule, contempt, and humiliation.

~ STEVEN PRESSFIELD

There are those moments when you're thinking what the hell was I thinking? Why would I even want to sign up to do anything like this?  WHY do I even want to do anything like this?  

For fact, this happens throughout the process - until you reach a point where you can see the clear road and that, there might - just might be a cold space in the hell you've chosen and it's possible there's a glass of cold water there.  That indeed you might just make it - at least make it to the finish line.  

There was a young woman, Hyvon Ngetich, who ran a marathon.  Her legs and body began to shut down close to the finish line and she collapsed.  She began to crawl.  She wouldn't stop and she didn't let the medical personnel help her either.  It was her race to finish. She blessed me.  You can watch the clip of this warrior here but I warn you to get the tissues out.  

It was a reminder for me that the road might be long, you may not have any idea what's around the bend or up ahead, but  it's always your race to finish - even if you have to crawl across the finish line. 

A Post On Love

We're out about a month ago.  He parks the car.  I get out.  I hear train horns blaring.  He already knows.   He laughs and says "go on grab the camera and run. Get the photos."  My eyes light up and I grab the camera and run.  This is love, I think to myself.  He knows me.....the moment echos.  I stand there amidst the cars and the rain.  A Black girl with a camera....  a curiosity of sorts.

But the cars on this train were wonderful. 

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I've determined blurry images are often beautiful.  Things don't always need to be in focus for them to be amazing. 

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I looked a little crazy standing there.  Cars waiting.  I'm the only single being without a car standing there and with a camera. It really didn't matter.  You get one time to capture a moment. The more I think about it, the more I realize there are moments in love where we get a chance, we miss it.  But when we hear those horns again, we run for it.  We run to catch it and make sure we don't miss that shot.  We know we've gotta make the shot and it doesn't matter how we look or what anyone thinks. We know just running and trying and standing in the rain is worth what could be possible.  

At least this is something I personally know to be true.  Sometimes we get second chances to take the shot, to make things right.  Sometimes we get more chances.  That's grace.  An opportunity to make things right, a do over of sorts. 

There's something about the moment you understand your passion and you're willing to look crazy in order to make it.  There's also a blessing when others invite you to more of yourself.  I'm thankful to have people in my life who offer this kind of love.  People who leave room for expansion, movement and change.  

After the train leaves, I walk back to the destination (which was only about 20 steps away) and I'm consistently in awe of this structure just sitting there.  It always looks different depending on the weather and the season.  An industrial beauty.

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I'd taken photos before of this structure but never one where the color turned out just right.

I was snapping this photo when the wife of an older couple came up to me to ask me if I was a photographer.  I answered "yes...." with a smile and we spoke about loving rainy days and the photos they produce.  We had a nice talk about refineries and industrial things, about the red monolith and our love for certain things.  She smiled at me genuinely, which I appreciated and told me to "keep going."  I appreciated that too. 

I've mentioned it before but it's so critical to ourselves. In doing so, it encourages others to be themselves. In being our full selves, we meet the people who are like us. It's how we find our tribe.  You meet the people you need in your life while you're on the road doing what you need to do.  

There's something magical about American industry.  About the things we don't pay attention to any longer.  The things we take for granted. 

Which reminds me....

Don't take things for granted.  Don't allow yourself to be taken for granted. Don't take others for granted.

There are people out here who support our dreams and love us.  They love us through our worst moments, the most difficult times and they show up when everyone else runs the other way.  Learning how to see them and recognize them even when we're running for something we most desire is a key to a successful life.  Knowing who's on your team and about your mission - those are things we need to know in order to be able to make it. 

Knowing who isn't on your team and is likely to derail you is even more critical at certain times in our lives. 

No one can make it on their own.  I've been a believer for a long time.  Before I fully understood what it meant, I knew God existed.  I now know (S)He works through the love and efforts of others.  We are meant to be in relationship.  We're meant to listen and to love.  We're meant to fellowship. 

I just know the fact that he told me to go get the photos and told me to run for the train meant he loves me.  I'm free to be my wild and crazy self.  At the very least, he pays attention to what I love and what moves me - and well, that's love in tandem and in the most tangible form.  I guess that's all we can ask for right? The opportunity to be fully ourselves -- at least to present our full selves. 

In some ways, I still hold back.  It's a matter of conditioning.  But it's more difficult to to withhold than it is to spill.  I've reached the maximum capacity of having to hide.  I don't have the ability to navigate those waters.  It's like being able to inhale and exhale fully.  

Today, I'm thankful for not having to be less than, or less of myself. I'm thankful those closest to me who encourage at every point and help to protect the woman I'm growing into.   I'm thankful when someone knows and points out I need to go and get the shot.  I'm thankful for those that understand my crazy and hold me tighter for it. For me?  That's love.

On Not Explaining

On  a random night in December, I found myself pissed off.  It happens.  

I decided to head out into the neighborhood, work on the long exposure photos and see what I could get.  I'd just figured out what I was doing wrong.  Mind you, it was raining, it was a little cold.  I didn't care.  These days, anger is worked out in walking and photography. 

I live in a neighborhood that's 90 percent Black folks.  To see a Black girl outside with her camera and a tripod on a rainy night isn't a usual event, but you know, you have to be ready for the questions.  An older woman walked past me and asked what I was doing and I showed her some of the images and she was so sweet - she had good things to say and was happy to see I was doing something for the neighborhood.  

The brother who owns the barbershop -- came out to see what I was doing.  He wasn't sure who I was until he walked up on me.  Again, Black neighborhood....Black girl in the rain with a camera (covered in a ziplock).  There'll be questions.  If you're really about your business, then sometimes and in some situations you have to explain yourself. 

Then there's the rest of your life.  

The moments you're just trying to live and there doesn't need to be an explanation.

Which brings me to the idea of not having to explain myself when I'm not in the mood for it.

There comes a time when all your fucks to give fly out the window.  You reserve a few for yourself, but when you've gotten through some hard times, there's a moment when you realize there's no time to focus on other people's shit. 

It's time to focus on your shit.  The world is moving at an increasingly faster pace.  Focusing on ourselves isn't something that comes naturally to all of us.  We help people, we do our best for others, we support, we encourage and we look out for them but we don't do all of those things for ourselves.   We tend to be on their team and not on our own.  We tend to hope things will somehow fall into place but they don't - unless we focus on it.

Sooner or later, it starts to show.  We're over extended and people continue to have expectations of too much. 

You end up having to explain all of the "nos" and why you don't want to do something.  After a while, even the explanations become too much.  It all feels like it's weighing down on you. 

Then one day, like the tide shifts at various points, there's a moment when you realize there's no longer a need to explain yourself.   Not unless you want to, not unless the person is near and dear.  Even then, I've tried to explain myself to some over the years and have come to the conclusion there's no point.  I'm going to do what I need to do, do what I've been called to do, do what I want to do and tell my story along the way. 

There's no need in apologizing for who you are and the way you choose to live your life.  I don't have the expectation that anyone will agree with it.  I don't think that people will always understand it... but there's magic in not caring about what everyone thinks.  There's a freedom to it.  

While there are a select few whose thoughts I'll always care about, just because I love them and they're amazing humans, I realize there's no way to make everyone happy. I've decided that I need to make myself happy.  

“My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.”

— Sir Anthony Hopkins

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Stages

The first time I managed to get everything in focus and take this photo of the moon, I have to admit, I was pretty impressed with myself.  I also stood in awe. Being able to see something so far away and all of the detail? And then from my bedroom? I was completely moved.

My bedroom happens to face due east which means I get to watch the horizon move from that blue magic to the full sun and then the moon shows up through my windows later in the evening.  

Cold and clear. It doesn't get much better for a full moon. I'd only had the camera for about four months.  I figured this qualified for a good throwback Thursday post.  

As someone who's still learning the camera, I can tell the progress I've made over the last year. I can see what I'm paying attention to, I can see themes in my work.  What's interesting is the themes other see in my work.  I've had to think about what it means to grow and where I'd like to see this and my writing go.  I'm seeking out more complicated camera hacks and tricks, impossible shots.  I'm thinking about video work and what kind of long term project I may want to consider.  

But the fact remains, everything we do happens in stages.  I waited to buy the camera simply because I wasn't sure if I'd use it.  It seems hilarious at this point, but really, I wasn't sure if it would be something I'd be good at or would stick to.  Turns out that at least I love it - which is what's important.  I enjoy chasing light and looking for beauty in places others may not see it. 

Anything I've ever wanted, there's had to be real time and real work involved.  Leaning out of your bedroom window and setting up tripods is no different.  

At any rate, just a reminder to hang in there.  Sometimes, it takes a long time to reach your destination.  As an official late bloomer, I have to tell you I'm pleased to see some of the work begin to payoff.  But it had to start somewhere.  It always does. 

“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin....”

— Zechariah 4:10

Seeing Clearly

I love blurred images.  Especially images of light and bokeh.... there's something about it.  Someone I love dearly took me to this spot not too long ago to get a photo of the sunset.  Knowing I'm a junkie for sunsets and water, this little spot was magic amidst the winter cold here in DC.  

Over the weekend, a good friend of mine sent me a message asking if I was aware something I'd written had gone viral.  I wasn't.  This is the second time it's happened.   She told me that my quote had been posted on the Berlin-artparasites Facebook page.  

In no uncertain terms, I was shocked and humbled and thankful.  I'm thankful for many reasons.  I'm mostly thankful that my friends are looking out for me when I happen not to notice and will celebrate with me.  The world, while quickly shrinking, is still a large and quick-paced place.  Having the right people around you and in your corner is a must if you're planning to make it out here. 

That being said, it was a boost I needed.  Back a few months ago I mentioned how sometimes, when you have something large on the horizon, you get those moments when you think it's dumb.  You're not sure if you're on the right track or even if something is a worthy pursuit.  You ask yourself why you even keep doing it.  Why does this even matter?  In other words, your vision gets muddled.  That project or life goal starts to lose steam for a bit.  Then, out of nowhere, someone sends you an email or a thoughtful comment.  They send you a little box of gifts, a sweet card in the mail.  Or they let you know your content went viral.

It's a moment when things become clear ad  you recognize, in the words of @SocamomDC that "God can't show you everything."  Sometimes we have a moment and things are blurry and we're questioning everything.  Other times, like this weekend and in other weeks past, we get really clear.  But the reality is sometimes it's best we don't see the full picture until the end.  It's part of the journey.  It's part of the process of being human and evolving as a soul. However, I'm thankful for these moments of "honey, you've got this and I've already told you what you need to do" that God puts in my path.  

Now it's time to continue to get things done.  Things are clear. 

The encouragement this weekend, that sort of news taught me a series of lessons in one fell swoop.  Mostly that we just need to keep working and in due time when we're consistent and it's time, we'll be recognized.  If you're not already following me on Twitter, let me know you've stopped by the blog @vermillionpearl or leave a comment below.

Standing On Your Own

It gets lonely. 

Not that I can't make it on my own - I'm Detroit made, so that's a non-given. It's just some days, it's difficult to say the least. 

Watching this little guy at the lake, it made me realize it's maybe not so bad to have to go solo.  Trust - I looked for another that might be company.  There were ducks - but that's not his crew.  So what happens when you have to float on your own?

I arrived at this amazing place.  Fog was flourishing.  The rain had taken the day.  I was amazed at the site I saw.  Just me, the water and this guy.  But here this guy was, standing on the ice and just riding it out.  When I say riding it out, I arrived and as the ice floated, he floated right along with it.  

I can't say I got it when I made this photo.  I just knew it was a special moment.  One I might not see again. 

It's just that being alone isn't always a bad thing.  Regardless to how I may lament and how I may be upset about it, there's value in the time spent solo.  Sometimes, we just have to get away from it all and stand on our own.

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2014: A Favorite Photo and A Few Thoughts

On a not-so-random day in October, I was trying to decide on whether or not I was going to leave the house.  I did.  What happened next was pure magic.

There's a group (likely several) of bikers in DC and in Baltimore who ride ATVs and dirt bikes through the city.  I see them in my neighborhood.  I've always been captivated and smitten by them.  I admire their lack of fucks to give.  They care about what they're doing. They just don't care what you think.  I appreciate this way of life.  Maybe it's the nearing of 40 that clears the lenses.  The idea I was able to stand with them and they let me capture these moments? I was honored.  

As a photographer, I'm always thankful when someone allows, even invites me, into their world to capture their moments.  I don't want to intrude or be a bother.  I don't want to exploit or embarrass.  I just want to document, highlight and show the beauty of what I see.

Not only did I have a chance to join their world for a few moments, but I was changed and energized by the few moments I was there. I'm sure the look of pure love and awestruck didn't hurt. I had the moment of awe watching this group of 30 or more bikers ride off into the sunset - literally.  It was a moment of wonder.  Maybe a little bit of connecting all of us together and realizing we have some of the same qualities. 

So. let's talk about this photo.  I love this brother.  I don't know him.  I don't know who he is or even what he looks like, but I love what he represents - for me. 

Honestly, he's a great example of how I had to face this year without knowing what was coming - wheels up. He's a metaphor for courage, for rebellion, for audacity, for passion and for having the chutzpah to get up and do what moves you during the day.  

Some people have their own opinions about the bikers.  They think they're a nuisance.  They think of them as criminals and outlaws.  I don't.  I think of them as free.  I have this love of their rebellion. And maybe that's where I understand them - that in order to get shit done sometimes, you don't (albeit can't) do it the way everyone else expects. Or maybe that it's not even that deep and they're just doing what they love.  

To be very frank, many of us could use more of that lesson about doing what we love and having less regard to what others think about us all the time. 

I could come up with this really amazing list of lessons I learned this year.  But the most valuable lesson I learned this year?  My own value.  While it sounds like it's a simple concept, it's not to be taken lightly.  I know I've mentioned it before, but it's a seemingly simple concept people will wave off and tell you you should master.  It's not as easy as everyone touts.  But there is true merit and wonder in understanding your worth.  

Just for the record: you're invaluable.

Back to this day in October....

The moment I snapped this photo, I realized my idea of beauty might be a bit different.  Aha moment! That's why it's important to capture these moments and document life as I see it. I'm thankful to be able to share my vision with you.  If you've been reading the blog, I'm also thankful that you're able to see it.  That I've had any effect on the community and inspired and influenced (hopefully for the better) is a blessing to me. 

However, I will admit I'm popping a wheelie on the fact that 2014 is about to be out of here. It's honestly been the longest year ever.  I'm thankful to have made it through. I'm thankful to have gotten through the challenges and obstacles that came my way.  I'm thankful for my family and my friends. I'm thankful for my camera and for purpose. I'm thankful for my relationship with God.  I'm thankful for love.  I'm thankful for companionship, for community and the notion that I'm not alone.  For all of the help that's been brought my way this year, the encouraging words, the gifts, the letters, the cards, the notes, the road trips, the long and short phone calls, the laughter.  While an extremely difficult year, it's been one of infinite riches, lessons and a suring up of myself that I'm not soon to forget. 

As I'm preparing for 2015, I started working on Susannah Conway's Unravelling the Year Ahead.  It's a great way to close one year and start another. 

Confession: I've tried over the last few years to fill it out entirely but it gets SO into your business that you have to be willing to face yourself and be honest.  While I'm extremely honest with myself, sometimes, putting it on paper makes it seem too real.  At any rate, the goal is to finish it this year. 

In the next few days, I hope you'll take time to choose some of your own favorite moments of the year.  

In closing, I want to say thank you for all of your encouragement, support and love this year here on the blog.  I've been overwhelmed with the blessings and the response you've had to what I've been working on and am sincerely thankful for your support.  

Love, 

Rae

Holding On

Yesterday it rained.  Today, the clouds set in.  I ventured outside to see if I could capture the leftover raindrops.  I did.  I was successful. 

I have a hack I use to get these photos.  Said hack was lost.  So I had to create another hack today.  The photos I'm posting on the site are untouched.  I figure it's best to leave them that way.  It makes it that much more important to get the photo right. Or at least to get something that satisfies me. 

I looked at the branches today, searching for raindrops and I came across this group.  Like a fist.  Like a wrench.  I had to capture it.  I thought I should've taken it with me.  It's so small that it's hard to find again.  But I figured it had as much of a right to hold on as I do.  Why cut it loose? 

It worked for seasons, possibly years, to get where it is.  Why should I stop it now?

Then I thought about the state of things as they are.  The political and racial temperatures. The moments I think about what's to come, what will happen over the course of the next five years. As I think about what's changed and what hasn't.  

Normally, I would've posted it because there was water sitting within the branches but this time? The tiny mighty wood fists stood dry in their solidarity and I couldn't be more proud of them in their moment, reminding me to hold on.

Faded Red Barns x Wheat Golden Fields

Unlearning How We Wait

It was Friday night some weeks back and just to meditate I tend to run around after work and take photos.  The thing about capturing moments is you never know when you'll get those moments where you know you've gotten the perfect shot.  This was one of those moments.  

The beautiful thing is, as a photographer, I'm learning - you know when you've gotten the shot. Apparently this is a feeling many of the photographers know and feel.  It's like writing and everything falls into line.  You don't know how it happens, it just happens. 

What got me at this moment is how serene she was waiting.  I loved that she was sitting.  She wasn't on her phone.  She was beautiful.  Maybe she was thinking about something, maybe she wasn't.   It looked like she was just having a moment and enjoying the solitude.  I could appreciate it.  

While I'm here, I have to say something, I think it's time we change how we wait.  Or IF we wait. 

I've spent a lot of time waiting on others.  I've waited for responses, for love, for approval, for chances, for people to want to collaborate.  At least I used to wait.  But here's the things about waiting on other people - it doesn't work. 

Just consider this - while we need others to collaborate on things, our actual destiny and what we're set to do isn't tied to anyone but ourselves and whatever God we serve.  Waiting on someone goes against a good use of time. It's against the policy of good stewardship.

I'm here to remind myself not to wait.  Waiting will leave me missing out on certain opportunities.  It'll have me second guessing myself at times.  Especially when I'm waiting on the right time, the right person, the right moment.  It's easier to convince myself I should wait just a little bit longer.  Sometimes it's not about waiting, it's about what we do while we're waiting.

Photography teaches me about the moment.  If you don't get a shot  - like this one above - you won't ever be able to get the shot again.  No two photos are the same.  The light, the moment, the timing is impossible to recreate. Certain situations are a once in a lifetime moment.  When you see the shot you have to take it. A fraction of a second of hesitation (read waiting, delay, second thoughts) will have you missing the shot of a lifetime.  

It's like that for most things in life.  Of course there's a right time, maybe a better time.  But what better time than now? 

It's time to unlearn how we wait.  Whether it's using things that are a distraction or telling ourselves we're not ready for whatever number of reasons.  We can unlearn this and teach ourselves a better way.  We can learn to make moves when everyone else tells us to stay put. We can learn how to create new opportunities when others see nothing.  The goal isn't always sitting still either.  Sometimes being in wait means being productive doing other things until what we are waiting for comes along. 

This is something I had to consider.  I was waiting for certain things to happen, waiting to reach certain milestones before I would attempt other things.  Like "As soon as I get to [insert destination point (ie) weight, money, location, level of job, marital status, hair cut or whatever] then I'll [insert desired goal, destination].  We have to be careful about setting our intentions that way.  What happens if I don't lose the weight?  What happens if I don't get married? What happens if I don't get to that seven-figure income? Will I still miss out on life?  Will I sit there and lament over the life I don't have versus the one I do?  

Nowadays, it's about how much life I can create with the current situation and with the current moments in hand. I can't play the cards I don't have yet.

In the words of Andy Dufresne:

Get busy living or get busy dying. 

When You Think It's Dumb or Stupid

Most of us have this little voice - and by most of us I'm thinking about ME - and I really mean ME ... a voice that tells you something you're working on, something you think is off the chain and the best idea ever.... think on it too long and your subconscious will tell you that maybe, just maybe the idea is crazy.  That you're stupid for having thought about it.  It's something you're crazy to try.  

Am I the only one who hears these thoughts?  I can't be.  

But it's as if for a moment the thoughts are laughing at you.  There's no way the idea will catch on.  That somehow, asking for that collaboration, printing those photos for an impromptu art show is crazy; that maybe there's nothing really interesting about the work you're doing and no one will like it. 

On the contrary - I want to offer a rebuttal - when you begin to hear those voices, it's when you're on the right track.  Funny how those thoughts don't begin until you're months into a project, years into something or are about to begin something larger than yourself.  It's something you need to understand will come no matter what.  It's something you'll need to learn to work and navigate around.  

Because if you don't - you won't ever be able to get shit done.  And you absolutely have shit to do.  But when the voices begin, don't let them linger too long.  You have to laugh at them. You can absolutely listen to what they're saying.  You have a right.  There might even be a gem or several in there as we know it.  Mostly, there's doubt, stalling and procrastination. Don't let it get the best of you.  

Your job is to keep it going.  Whatever your projects and passions are, your main objective is to make sure you see them to completion. It's to make sure they see the light of day.  If nothing else, it's to make sure you glean what you can from the process, from the journey.

I can't tell you how many times I've thought some of the most precious things I've been working on are incredibly foolish or stupid.  Or I've felt extremely vulnerable when posting something or sharing photos.  So far? I've been thankful but shy every time I press publish or have the opportunity to share with someone.  

Keep at it.  Until the finish line. 

Love, 

Rae

What Do You See?

There's an unspoken beauty in things discarded and seemingly forgotten.  If the building is abandoned and it looks like it hasn't been lived in for some time, I'm headed over there to capture it.  I want to know about the paint, about the wood, how it leans and how the metal is rusting. 

I see it and it's beautiful...at least to me.

At a good friend's wedding the other week, we were leaving the church and this little barn here was the only thing I noticed.  I could've taken pictures of people - but it was the barn that caught my attention.  It was perfect.  The haze from the sun and the last of the summer things with wings flying around.  Not that I didn't take photos of the people too, but I was waiting until we were inside for those moments.

So, I asked a girlfriend of mine to slow down the car while I snapped the photo.  I had to get it.  It was precious. 

Please note: this was taken from the car.  I had on heels.  The grass was about five feet high. I promise had I been in flats and with pants on -- I would've been through the grass, snapping.  I seriously considered heading over there but thought better of it - as I didn't want to have to fight snakes or furry creatures in grass that was too high. 

That's the great things about photos.  You never know when something you deem worthy of capturing may show up.  I didn't even notice it on the way to the wedding but it was the first thing I saw upon leaving the church.  

But how does this play out in daily life?  Have you ever had a hard time seeing your own beauty when you're not exactly at your best? I've been challenged over the last year with taking photos of myself when I wasn't feeling at my prettiest.  However, if nothing else has become apparent, it's how photographing the things that are forgotten and that no one else happens to love has made me challenge how I see myself. 

While my concept of beauty is wide and vast - it's interesting how it doesn't often apply to self. And to admit a secret, I haven't photographed myself candidly with this camera.  Well, I have but I haven't been happy with the photos - which is odd. So that's something I'm working on.  I'm working on what and who I see and how I see her. 

Today's play while writing this post: Never Catch Me by Flying Lotus (feat. Kendrick Lamar)